Most days this is how my monitor looks like for most of the time (without that Google search, that's artistic exaggeration 😜).
I just noticed things are getting out of hand today when I realized I payed R$30 ($6USD), not a small amount for Brazilian standards, on Bloodstained during the summer sale and played a measly 77 minutes since I bought it in December.
As a child games used to have a certain magic, a charm about them. Every single new cartridge for my SNES, CD for my PS1 or DVD for my PS2 or PC was a new experience, something to waste days, weeks or months in.
Now sometimes I spend a considerable amount of my monthly income in some triple A releases, only to play them for a couple of hours, and then ignore them entirely.
Spending the rest of my days at work, freelancing when I can, studying and browsing trash social media.
It feels like conventional internet has done what it was supposed to do. Completely destroyed my mind, and whilst that has brought many terrible symptoms to me, one of them being intensifying my already chronic anxiety, the one I can't forgive is making my taste for games seem so bitter.
And the funny part is... The only games that still manage to be somewhat enjoyable to me are the ones I played years or over a decade ago.
My rig is nothing to scoff at, nor is my collection of games... But what is it good for? If all I use it for is working on things that I could easily do on my much weaker laptop.
I've made multiple posts about xCloud, and that service is absolutely incredible, takes away the need for a powerful gaming PC, makes it so I can play my dear Forza when I'm away from home, makes my PC almost obsolete... But at the same time, getting rid of it would give me the biggest dread in my life.
This rig I've spent thousands of BRL in, just selling it and not being able to play these over 400 games on Steam... Not being able to play these games that I don't play at all. This computer I only use for the roms I have and the 4 or 5 hard to run games I have installed.
Proud owner of some great archival material.
Now, what's the cure I talked about?
Recently, my knee problems, which made it impossible for me to walk properly have gotten a lot better. This has made it so I can do house chores, go for walks, hang out and has secured me a job at a nice IT shop.
This will be taking up most of my time from now on.
And how exactly is having your time taken up good for gaming?
This might not apply to everyone here, but I remember when I was madly in love with my ex. I remember being away from her for extended periods of time. And I remember each and every second we spent together when we could. When school was finally over, when we finally could get on that bus and see each other and spend those 2 or more glorious days togethers. Those beautiful sunsets in my town's hills or the walks over at the commercial district over at her town.
It's the same for gaming. The more options you have, the more availability you have, the more it is right there at the palm of you hands, the more boring it gets.
Just ask that to anyone who has been married for so long, at least that's what my dad says so (sorry mom 🤣).
Not only will this be a job I'm really excited to get, with co-workers who I like a lot, not only is this a new step in my life, being able to walk properly, I'll also be away from this prison called my room, my desk.
And maybe, just maybe, this might bring back the magic I once had from my childhood.
Maybe the feeling of getting home from work to my computer and consoles will be the same as getting home from school to my SNES.
It's what I hope so, but I'm 99% sure it'll be like that, it's what I've seen from friends. And I can't wait.
For now, I'll stick to playing the classics that make me feel something, that feel like a quick dopamine hit without being unhealthy like the other trash we're forcefed nowadays from Meta or TikTok or Google or whatever.
Have a great one, my fellow gamers, keep on enjoying games, but keep on enjoying life.