How I won my own self representing rape case: Part 1. Brain surgery.
Building a Hypersensitive Army. Indoctrination and Abuse of Empathy.
Although it was somewhat irrelevant, while I trained on my beauty course, there were some lessons which had to be taken as part of the course. It hadn’t occurred to me at the time, or even until years later, but this course was full indoctrination intended for the integration of more than likely, illegal immigrants. It was a lesson in Marxism ultimately, but given a different name. I forget the name now but it was something to do with development. At the training school I attended, there were training mechanics who also had to attend these lessons. The lessons were about discrimination and political correctness.
Having suffered seizures for the majority of my life, and having been discriminated against by previous employers, I fully back this teaching about discrimination. What I did pick up on rather quickly and this might have been due to my own experiences, was that very little was mentioned about disability. The teaching was mainly about sexism, racism and homophobia. The only time disability was mentioned, was when students brought it up.
That did actually upset me. What I felt it did was dismiss any discrimination a disabled person faced and hyper-inflate occasions described as ‘racism’. Interestingly, not everyone was getting taken in by the indoctrination. There were some girls who would speak out against the victimisation of ‘ethnic minorities’. They were often from council estates and louder and more opinionated.
I was friends with those girls. I liked them and I enjoyed their company. However I often partnered up with a Polish girl and a Japenese girl. The Polish girl often felt she was a victim of ‘racism’. I would try to explain to her, she wasn’t a victim of racism, as she was the same race as those she claimed were targeting her. She might have felt she was a victim of xenophobia. But she was adamant she was a victim of racism, as a white woman, targeted by white people.
In hindsight, there lies the problem. People misusing language, and also refusing to listen to others. However, the education system had a responsibility to extend teaching of discrimination beyond those things of racism, sexism and homophobia. It’s refusal to extend fully on discrimination, was in itself, discrimination. I did write that in the review when it asked for feedback on the course.
The course did seem to heavily victimise these groups. But in particular it victimised black and brown ‘ethnic minority’ groups. I felt this didn’t reflect reality as they were clearly applying discrimination themselves by not discussing ALL groups who face discrimination. On reflection, this is how they, the powers that be, have systematically abused empathy, as I consider in this article.
My course was three years long and I took three sessions of this mandatory development class each week. By the end of the three years, even the hardened council estate girls had softened to the indoctrination classes. So is it any wonder then, that I had these thoughts and feelings towards the rapist, prior and after having been raped by him? What I have since come to realise, is that this training in complete opposition to my childhood education, taught me to become judgemental of majority groups, accusing towards them and also very angry at them.
The night of the rape
While I was in the bar having a goodbye drinking with my friend on the night I got raped, I noticed a small group of Asian men in the bar. Within that group was the man who would later rape me. Although nothing at all racist had happened, I ‘felt’ that it had. And that is exactly what I had believed was racist. The fact that nothing had happened, was now in my mind ‘racist’. People were looking at the group of Asians, and I ‘felt’ they were looking at them because they were being racist.
Somehow, I had associated people NOT talking to these Asians as being outright racsit. I distinctly remember feeling very angry in the bar that ‘everyone was being racist’. However, nobody was threatening this group, no one was physically harming this group. Nobody was doing anything. Maybe, some people at some points would look over at the Asian group of men, but that was the limit of the perceived racism that I was imagining.
As a side note, I do watch a number of black and Asian right wing commentators and conspiracy theorists who do also seemingly perceive anyone white ignoring them is them being racist. So I believe now that this is part of the indoctrination programme. To convince the ‘ethnic minorities’ that it must be racism when a white person ignores them and then using them to convince white people that they have done wrong.
Because of what I was now perceiving to be ‘racism’ I decided to go show all these racists just how non-racist I was and in my indoctrinated mind, I hoped I could teach these racists how to behave with ‘ethnic minorities’. So I went over to this group of victims and I talked with them. The man who would later rape me asked for my phone number. Usually I wouldn’t have given my number. But I was out to teach racists how not to be racists. So I gave it.
Looking back, I feel so upset at how heavily indoctrinated I must have been. How the system took good people empathy and abused it. And I see how angry and vicious I had become. In an article I wrote about Confrontation in a hypersensitive world, I realise now that I had become one of those hypersensitive and confrontational people. And I had been trained three times a week over three years to become that. I don’t know how this can be unlearned, unless everybody goes through the pain of something similar to what I went through. Perhaps traumatising those who had been indoctrinated is the only way to wake them up. But even that took several years for me to admit.
I left the bar alone, my friend had gone ahead of me and I told him I would catch him up. I couldn’t see him as I left so I just walked on my own. I only lived around the corner from the bar. A two minute walk. And it was a long the main street where in the evenings plenty of police cars drove past. For this reason, I felt protected and that police were always nearby to help me if anything were to happen. Little did I know then that they too, had undergone the same indoctrination that I had done on my beauty course.
As I walked up the street the Asian man who I had given my phone number to, so as to make a point, followed me. He was shouting to me. I didn’t like that he was shouting and following me. It felt quite creepy. I continued walking ahead but his shouting became more aggressive and his pace had quicken. As he approached me he grabbed my arm and demanded a kiss. I said no, and I tried to pull away from him. It was too difficult. He was much taller and bigger than myself and he kept his hand gripped to my arm.
I was panicking at this point as he kept demanding I kissed him. I didn’t want to kiss him. I had only intended to say hello to him over the phone after my brain surgery when I gave him my number. I quite literally felt, and this now makes me cringe, but as two discriminated groups, we would understand each other. Two outsiders. And I read that now and realise just how bad this indoctrination education brainwashing system had gotten me.
As I quickened my pace to get home, I realised I would not be able to go home with this man stalking me. I would have to either do a runner, wait for the police who regularly drove down the road in evenings and get them to help me, or I would have to keep walking past my home with him grabbing me, remaining on the main street with traffic and hoping someone might stop and help me.
I decided I would see if a police car might drive past to help me. As the Asian victim kept leaning in to get a kiss from me, I would push him away and shout at him to ‘FUCK OFF!’. And then he would grab my arm, throw me up the pavement and attempt to kiss me again. Eventually, as it started to get more violent, I saw a police car drive slowly up the road. I began screaming to the police car for help. ‘STOP, HELP ME! PLEASE STOP. HELP!’ I remember screaming. The rapist let go of my arm I believe at this point.
The car slowed almost to a halt and there were two police officers in the car. I believe one was female and the other was male. They both peered at me screaming to them, looked at each other and then devastatingly, they drove away at speed. My research on how the laws changed after the murder of Stephen Lawrence a black immigrant man will explain somewhat why they touch the route of inaction.
And so I was left with a man I was terrified of. My home was approximately 400 metres away from where I was left with the victim perpetrator. I was desperate to get there, but also so scared that he might follow me. In my desperation I attempted to reason with him that he should go home to his home. That he might lose his friends. This man spoke little English. I later researched how illegals were arriving here with no English language skills whatsoever which I will write an article about ‘Bogus Universities’. These came up in my court case as I wanted to tell them everything I had learned.
It had seemed that I had somehow managed to persuade him to head off in the opposite direction. I watched him walk away and to my relief I believed I would be able to make a run for it to the safety of my home. I watched stood in my tracks watching him walk across the road and over the bridge. He had probably walked about 100 metres away. At that point, I turned around and fled. I ran as fast I could to my house. As I arrived to my gate, I stopped to check he wasn’t following me. It all seemed clear and I ran into my house, locked the door behind me and cried.
Inside, I took my shoes off, put my bag in the kitchen at the back of the house, which also had my only phone in it, and I sat on my sofa very shaken. About two or three minutes had passed when I suddenly heard a knock on the door. I didn’t have a peep hole to check who was knocking, but I assumed it was a neighbour perhaps checking on me after all the screaming, shouting and commotion.
I opened the door and there stood the rapist. I tried to slam the door shut, but he put his foot in the doorway and used his hand to push the door open to let himself in. He came into my home and raped me on the living room floor.
After he had raped me, he refused to leave. I was so worried he would kill me. I pleaded with him to leave and eventually he did. But now, he had my phone number and he knew my address. I recall after he left and the following week I was throwing water in the porch of the house. The reason I did this was because I believed he intended on setting fire to my home. I am not sure if that was threatened or if I was having nightmares after. However, I drenched the porch for a very real fear that I would be getting set alight and as an attempt to put out any flame posted through the letterbox. That concern had risen from somewhere. 'Luckily', that week I was to go to hospital to get brain surgery so was only home for a few nights. I did see him hanging around outside my house in those few days.
I have never been aware of a stranger taking these sorts of actions. This is certainly not British male culture that I have ever experienced. Nor has it been reported as typical British male behaviour. However I have learned it is typical cultural behaviour in Asian countries. And yet, within our programming within the education system, it never once touches on the aggressive nature and culture of these Asian males. It simply portrays them as victims.
I am aware of the debate as to whether a rape victim encourages rape and that should be had. However, I do strongly believe now, that there has been a systemic abuse of females who are known to be more feelings focused and empathetic than males. And females have been misled to believe that because a person has a 'victim' label, they must feel like victims. I believe females have been groomed to empathise with dangerous situations while claiming such situations cannot be dangerous.
The indoctrination was so heavy that even after the rape I wrote an 80,000 word fictious book about how an Asian male was helping a sexual assault victim escape a boarding school where she wss being abused by white men. I don't deny this happens by white people, but it interersts me now where my mind went and the denial I felt because of the brainwashing.