It is very difficult to define the true meaning of happiness; some would want fame and money in this world or to be loved by their most admired person. As I am writing this blog, I feel tears in my eyes if there is still a place in my daughter's heart to treat me as her mom. I may not be a perfect mom; I have flaws, but how I wish someday that our bond when she was young would happen again.
We all know that we all wanted to be happy! I guess no one wants to be unhappy. Happiness can be in different forms, like becoming wealthy in life, happiness in family, spiritual happiness, and being mentally and physically happy. But I think we cannot have all of this at one time.
Self-love is also another kind of happiness, but this is the only thing that I can't have. I cannot live to become self-centered or to love myself only. If I can offer more to anyone, I will do so because it’s a different kind of happiness to become selfless.
I wish nothing had changed. I keep memorizing those happy moments that we shared a long time ago, where I felt that we were best friends, the laugh that we both shared together that I missed so much, and her angelic face that I have kept in my heart and in my mind. I do not know what happened, why she hated me so much. I keep on thinking, where did I go wrong?
We havent talked for 2 years even though that I keep reaching out her online but she continues ignoring me even my Birthay greetings, Christmas greetings for her she do not responds me.It hurts that she hates me so much.I do not know maybe its because I am poor or what and maybe what she thinks that maybe because of her money she thinks that Iwant her back.No its not that it hurts that someone abandoned me as her mother.
As a single mom of 5, I have suffered anxiety about how to raise them all, yet I fight in life for their future and dreams. I had a lot of sacrifices and faced failures, suffering a lot, yet at the end of the day, I stood up strong, not showing them that I almost gave up, not showing too much drama. It came to the point that we became homeless, and I remember we stayed at Luneta Park for a week because I did not have a proper income before.
My kids are my happiness. How I wish that before my life ends in this world, as there is no permanence in this world. I would like for me and my daughter Bembem to reconcile and bring back the love that we had just like before, that nothing has changed. I think one of my mistakes is that when she got older, I wasn’t able to show care, that I love her so much that I am ashamed to hug her during her teenage years because I thought she wouldn’t like it.
When she got 16, she started to change. I can feel she no longer speaks softly as she did before. My world turns upside down when she was my eldest and the best thing that ever happened in my life and my real-life princess.
There is no endless happiness with the joy that I have felt when I was with my eldest daughter before and that is all I only want but why is it so difficult to bond with her now is seems that she’s on the top ad we are just nothing and we have nothing that can make her proud of us.It hurts when she denies me.
How I wish and pray that there will be a miracle of her heart to notice me as her mother. I hope that we could do what we used to do before and bond with each other, live close with each other, and most of all, love and respect is paramount, and that is the true essence of real happiness.
I lived in contentment in life, not to seek wealth because we only lived once, and we all deserved to be loved unconditionally, and love is the best happiness that we can all have. Once we have love, the happiness will follow.
All that I have now is that our memories from the past and all pictures are from my old facebook account that I keep looking at to remember our sweet loving memories.
Jim I hope that time will come we can reconcile and forget our issues and find love from each other I miss you and I love you so badly.