I don't know exactly what makes this happen to me but it happened yesterday and there wasn't any really good reason for why this happened. I just suddenly found myself at a party that I had been looking forward to and I was just really uncomfortable and found myself wanting to get out of there as soon as I possibly could. It was a dinner party for some visiting friends so I couldn't just walk out of there... I am somewhat obligated to stick around for a while... which I did.
After the food was served and I helped out with cleanup for a bit I lingered around a bit and then eventually headed for the door and said goodbye to some but not all of the people that were there. It was a weird situation because normally, I am really ready for a social outing and this just definitely was not the case yesterday.
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I think I can kind of identify what the issue is here at this particular party because I had exercised for an hour in the afternoon just about an hour before the party began. I was feeling quite tired after the exercise and probably should have just taken a short nap or lied down for a bit but I didn't do that. I "powered through" because I have done this so many times in the past. This time though, I could tell right after I arrived that I was not going to have a good time and I was in a funk where I didn't really want to talk to anyone and it didn't help that the venue was extremely hot and muggy and if I strayed away from one of the many fans that they had there I would start sweating almost immediately.
Combine this with the fact that my legs and especially my feet hurt from the exercise I had done earlier in the afternoon and you had a guy that was sitting at a table, seriously slouched down in his chair, that really just wanted to lie down somewhere in some air conditioning. My body ached and I was very uncomfortable. I just wanted to go home while leaving all the social aspects of life behind.
These people are all my friends too. I like almost every one of the 30 or so people that were there and attempted to make small talk with them. I just couldn't really get involved in the conversation because the only thing I could really focus on was the anxiety that was being created by me being so uncomfortable in so many ways. A few things will make me very uncomfortable wherever I am and fatigue and being overheated are two of the major things that can trigger this. It was basically the only thing I could focus on and I think the owner of the place did all that he could to try to mitigate the heat but the fact of the matter is that there is no such thing as an adequate amount of fans that can compensate for a place that has extremely hot and humid air as the only aspect of the joint.
You may recall that I wrote something recently about how since I am getting older, I am more susceptible to aches and pains and this was definitely the case last night. Perhaps I should find a way of getting some sort of stretching into my daily routine or even though it pains me to say this and suggest I might get involved in some sort of hippie bullcrap.... start going to yoga classes.
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While this is a stock image the guy in the picture was definitely me last night. I was surrounded by people who were trying to talk to me but any time they did so I would respond normally in some sort of feigned friendliness or just being very dismissive about anything they said. I was short with my answers and never asked any questions in return. Once the food was done I quickly had some of it and then just kind of lingered about until eventually I saw my opening to get the hell out of there and then went straight home.
The problem wasn't the party... they really went out of their way to try to make it as great as they could. The problem was me. I wasn't in a social mood last night but I am the kind of person that when he says he is going to go and do something, he goes and does it.
This is happening a lot more frequently with me lately as I find that I am less and less motivated to go to social outings every single week that passes. Part of the issue might be because I don't really have any interest in what is going to be taking place there. The one exception being when I go to meet with my friends for our bowling groups on Thursday or even on practice days that take place on other days of the week.
Maybe as I get older I am getting more fussy with how I spend my time. I guess I just don't understand it because I have always been an extrovert all of my life. I am starting to want to spend more and more time alone with my dog away from everyone and given the choice, most days I would rather just go on a walk with my dog and maybe stop at a few pubs along the way before going home and not spending very much time at any one place. I think I will do that today actually.
I just wonder if any of you out there have found that as you get older you start to lose interest in gatherings such as parties and being around other people. This is kind of shocking to me because almost all of my life leading up to this point, I have been the opposite.