What made you smile today? For me? Being officially part of the Hive family through this first post! 🥳🥳🥳
I’m nervous and excited at the same time. I don’t know how it’ll end up, but I will try. How will I know if I won’t try?
Now, let me try. 😁
Introooooduuuuciiiiing meeeee~
Kamusta po, Hive family? I’m Kymmy from the Philippines. I live in one of the provinces where farming is the main livelihood. My papa is a farmer until now at the age of 52, and my mama used to be a nurse. But she has retired now and is currently taking care of my bed-ridden grandmother or lola.
📷 My lola, hotter than the summer 😉
My lola is lucky because my mama is a nurse. She knows how to change her catheter, insert an IV if needed, and make sure that feeding her through an NGT is properly done. Mama feeds her every three hours, so she gets very little sleep.
📷 My siblings and I: who's the cutest? Of course, them. I'm beautiful 😘
(Jast keddeng here 😅😆)
There are three of us siblings in the family, and all three of us are part of the LGBTQ community. We're well loved and accepted by our parents no matter our gender. Although I’m pansexual, I do have a straight boyfriend who love me for who I am. He’s the best! I was so happy and excited about the idea of having a baby and family of my own. Also, I could give my parents a grandchild since my siblings is either gay or lesbian.
I was wrong.
Though I can conceive, I'm not allowed because of my illness.
As a Person with Disability
📷 I may be smiling and looking all cutesy here, but I’m actually clinically depressed
Once, I needed to process something at the bank and asked for a priority number for PWDs. The guard handing out numbers looked at me with confusion and hesitation. Sensing this, I showed him my PWD ID. He looked more confused.
“I know you’re thinking I don’t look like I have a disability,” I told him.
“Yes.” He honestly replied.
Yes, my disability isn't physical. I have a mental disability, a mood disorder called Bipolar. Bipolar, in simple terms, is when one tends to experience extremely high moods (mania) and extremely low moods (depression).
It started last 2015 with major depression diagnosis, but the next year I was rediagnosed with Bipolar. I struggled for many years with long periods of severe mood instability, weight gain, terrible acne, excessive sleepiness, never-ending exhaustion, and self-h**m. But the greatest suffering I have to endure is my fading imagination and creativity.
📷 I joined Toastmasters to make friends and as a way of coping with my struggles
Before, when I read books, I could imagine countless worlds with vivid characters all alive and breathing inside my head. I can pen poems, plays, and stories out of my imagination when I close my eyes or stare at the blue skies with cotton candy clouds. They’re my escape, my haven, my friends. They’re what I only have. I lost them.
Drained. Hurt. Hopeless. These are what I felt. It made me feel ashamed of my illness and who I am.
But my beliefs have changed now. When I told my friends and family about it, they loved me more. They reminded me how far I’ve come and how far I can go further. I'm here because they supported and believed me. I’m sharing this now with my Hive family because I feel safe here.
And this is for the people who need it:
Cry like the raging storms. Feel the piercing pain of bleeding wounds. Let it out. Scream your fears and hate until your throat hurts. Release everything but don't hurt yourself or others. Once your empty and you're too tired to think of what has been and what could've been done - choose. Choose yourself. Choose the better future that you deserve. Yes, you'll still suffer when you choose yourself. But it's worth suffering for than the past that you can't change. Choose. NOW.
📷 My boyfriend and I cherish our brief time together before he goes home (LDR)
Today, my strength, hopes, and dreams renew themselves in the form of my boyfriend, my family, and my friends. I also tried making lifestyle adjustments. I make a routine to stick to. I increase my self-awareness in identifying a relapse before it gets worse. Lastly, I cry hard then force myself to stand up again and again when I get pinned down by fears, anxieties, and mistakes.
Passions that make my life happier
Outside of my illness, I'm a person with passions. I enjoyed writing plays and poems. I was even chosen to attend two well-known playwriting workshops in our country. I find it uncomfortable giving titles to my poems, so I just name them by the date I wrote them.
I also enjoy reading books. So far, my most-loved novel is “Smaller and Smaller Circles” by F. H. Batacan. She's Filipino, too. I like the book because it's set in the Philippines. I can visualize most of the scenes. It's a crime novel. The main character admit that he doesn’t always know everything and he gets discouraged. He even almost gave up. These are what make it human, real, interesting, and relatable for me.
Cooking is also my passion. As much as I can, I cook for my parents, and I try my best to make it very delicious. It’s the least that I can do for all the sacrifices they made for me. Even until now, like buying medicines or paying for therapy. Old as I am, I still can't support myself. I rely on them for my needs. But I'm striving my hardest to be independent by doing my best in what I can do to help.
Lastly, I like keeping simple mementos from unforgettable events. Last December, PWDs were given food gifts in a big plastic box. I was so happy because I could use the box for keeping my mementos. It's because they don’t fit my shoebox anymore. I’m happy with the food, too.
Why I joined the Hive family
I don't want to lose my worlds, imagination, and creativity. So, I want to rebuild them through stories and thoughts that Hivers share in their posts. I want to breathe and feel real experiences from real people this time. Not just fiction. I’d like to read authentic stories and reflections with depth.
Raw.
Real.
Original.
Since I will read lots of posts, no doubt you'll hear lots of responses from me. As for my posts, I'll write on various topics from seemingly little and ordinary things to reflections about hope, love, and life.
I also want to share my experience on how I manage my illness and the lessons I learned from it. But I'm not sure if you want to hear my stories. Since some of them are sad, really sad. But you know, out of those sadness, I learned very important lessons. Also, there are good and heartwarming moments, too. What do you think? Should I? 🤔
🙏Thank you, @antonette, for onboarding me into the Hive family. I’m very grateful for your kindness.
🙏Thanks for reading my bro and sis Hivers! I really appreciate your time, effort, and patience. I will surely write more soon. Stay tuned! 😉
@kamustakymmy here ✌️ See you after a few midnights! Salamat! ☺️😴
Note: Photos are edited using Canva.