Welcome to my time capsule. š We are traveling back several years to meet a girl much like me, but far younger and more naive. I will be telling you her story through her eyes over the coming weeks and months. I hope you enjoy it and see the many ways her Savior has guided her every step of the way! All of my posts marked with #LaAventuraDeLaVida are a part of this ongoing series.
~ Jan 1, 2014 ~
Itās a little long today, guys. Sorry. If you donāt want to read it all, feel free to skip down to the following symbol about halfway down the page:
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Seeing all of my friends post about their āYear in Reviewā has made me think about my past year more than I usually do. This year did not contain any huge milestones like turning 18 or 21, graduating high school or college, or getting married (hah!). Yet this year has been my biggest adventure yet.
According to the mainstream, I, as a college graduate of 24 years, should be out on my own, working a full time job in my major, and looking to either advance my career or start a family. Instead, 2013 found me still living at home, working an 18-hour-a-week job (and enjoying it immensely), with no marital prospects in sight (despite the well-meaning attempts of family and friends to push me in that direction). And Iāll admit, that was kinda hard. Especially since nothing had changed since the year before. It was hard to admit to myself that I had been stuck in the same place in my life for over 12 months with no hope for change.
But 2013 also found me mulling over the mission trip I had done in October. Thinking about the sights I had seen, the people I had met, and the stirring in my heart toward this country. The first 3 months of 2013 were spent in prayer (along with the last 3 months of 2012) until I finally decided to take the plunge and submit my application to Destino. I was half-thinking that she would reject me right then and it would be over ā me with no classroom teaching experience and a degree in Theatre, of all things. But she didnāt. She said if I felt God was calling me to Honduras, then I was welcome! And I had to take a deep, shaky breath and ask, āAm I hearing this right, God?ā Slowly but surely, the answer was a confirming yes as more and more loose ends kept tying themselves. My job working around school years, only part-time. My (totally unexpected and unasked) appointment as head of the Childrenās Ministry at my church, to prepare me even more for Leadership and classroom management. The opportunity to work one-on-one with a 5th grader, which not only helped to fund my upcoming venture, but gave me invaluable experience with curriculum and teaching materials. Time after time, I felt Godās gentle hand on my shoulder, His voice whispering, āSee? I told you this was what I wanted. You just follow. Iām working out the details.ā
So on August 31st, 2013, I moved to a third world country.
I moved away from everyone I loved to a country where I could "kinda" speak the language, knew no one, and was somehow supposed to teach 8th graders how to speak English and show them the love of our Savior at the same time. I was totally overwhelmed, clueless, and trying desperately to adjust to new roommates, new culture, new responsibilities, and new insecurities. And that was exactly where God wanted me.
In my country, surrounded by my comfy house, my comfy family, my comfy church, my comfy lifeā¦ I didnāt need God. Well, I knew intellectually that I needed God, but I was doing okay on my own. I knew that was a problem, but I didnāt know how to change it. In a place where everything is foreign and all you have is God, suddenly your need for Him becomes more real.
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These past four months have been indescribable, and Iām pretty sure no one would want to read about the details of the countless highs and lows of my first month in Honduras. It was not pretty, and I was a mess. The short version is that I was coming face-to-face with a lot of things that I was just plain terrible at and a lot of character flaws that I had never seen. And admitting both of those things hurt my pride (which was a heart check in itself). I felt like I was letting everyone down ā my students, my fellow teachers, my director, my supporters ā by my awful inabilities. The first monthās word was broken.
October presented a whole new set of challenges. I was sick almost the entire month, starting with fever and body aches, and continuing with a cold and a sinus infection that lasted pretty much the whole month. I couldnāt breathe, some days I couldnāt talk, and it never got any better. My classes were better (read: not scary beyond all reason), but I was running on empty every day, trying to just make it to 4pm so I could go home and crash. The middle of October was our trip to Guatemala to renew our visas, which was a wonderful adventure and girl bonding time, but I was still physically miserable. The second monthās word was dependent.
November was a relief for me. I had finally taken some antibiotics to knock out the sinus infection (although I found out last week that those antibiotics should have had NO effect on anything above the diaphragm ā praise the Lord for some heavenly help in killing germies!). I could finally face the day with energy, I was growing more and more as a teacher, and I was finally getting to know my students. Then I got thrown a curveball ā did I want to switch classes? After much prayer and soul-searching for motives, we did switch (see previous post), which has been an absolute blast. The third monthās word was strengthened.
I donāt remember much of December, quite honestly. I spent most of it preparing for our Christmas program, learning the names and personalities of my new 2nd graders, and listening to my roommateās countdown of how many days (hours, minutes, seconds) we had left until we could see our families. ;p I do remember we learned about ox, and box, and fox, hot, pot, not, hop, and top. And colors, and school items, and a new song! Oh, what fun. xD December was the hardest month in terms of homesickness. We knew it was so close, and while we had to finish strong, we wanted to go home and see all of those dearest to us. The fourth monthās word was longing.
And now we are entering 2014 ā a new year for most, but the midpoint of my adventure of dependence. These past four months have been a microcosm of the cycle that most of us go through with God: we get to a point where weāre comfortable, then something rocks our world, breaking our heart into tiny pieces. As we lie there, broken (we believe) beyond repair, we learn what it means to be dependent on the only One who has glue to fix a heart. After it all has been done, we are strengthened to help others, to tell our story of healing and redemption. This newness creates a longing for more ā more relationship, more of the Spiritās power, more joy. Then the novelty wears off, we stop striving, and we once more snuggle down into complacency until our Father has to rock our world again to shake us out of the chains that weāve accepted as unavoidable.
So pray hard, my friends. Your knees are a small price to pay for your heart. Pray for me to continue pressing into my only Sustaining Source. Pray for us all to continue running the race, not sitting in front of the tv, channel surfing to find out which race to watch. Pray for you. I donāt know what your struggle is. Maybe it is like mine. Maybe it isnāt. But you know. And if you donāt know, ask God. He knows. And once you know, pray hard. Dig deep. Donāt stop. Be broken. Be dependent. Be strengthened. And most of all, donāt give up the longing the Lord has placed in your heart for Him.
Dios le bendiga con su presencia en este aƱo nuevo.
May God bless you with His presence in this new year.
Five most recent posts in this series (most recent listed first):
Estamos Cambiando - #LaAventuraDeLaVida
En Orden - #LaAventuraDeLaVida
MƔs Fuerte - #LaAventuraDeLaVida
RƔpido y furioso - #LaAventuraDeLaVida
Raindrops on Noses - #LaAventuraDeLaVida