There are days when I wake up and do not want to get up. I can almost hear the calls or responsibilities screaming into my head. The rents, the kids has got to eat, the groceries need to be bought, hospital appointments must be paid for, medicines must be bought, else it's a big problem.
Then for a moment I reflect on all these. Surely, a man's life is difficult; sometimes you wonder how you manage to take on so many responsibilities when the money you have is insufficient to cover all of your bills.
Since I'm poor, why can't I inherit smaller responsibilities? I mean, the rich have enough money to solve their problems, so why does not life simply assign them more financial responsibilities because they have more money?
Why?
Why do I get the ill health that makes me spend so much on medicines, and when I pay for them out of pocket, I can hardly pay for the next one. Why?
While all of these thoughts seem silly and amusing, I discovered that I am not the only one who thinks like this. There are times when we simply want to break free from the never-ending grind of life's meaningless rat race.
The world works in such a way that we are often the source of our own problems, but we always manage to blame someone else. Inflation goes up, our fault, killings, wars, famine, slavery, racism and all that.
Yet, we still find ways never to blame ourselves. Despite the fact that the human race has advanced, we continue to face a major challenge: developing solutions to problems that should not exist. We have economic tendencies that ensure inflation continues to rise, leaving people unable to pay for things they could afford.
If you look around the world, 99% of the problems we face are caused directly or indirectly by our actions. The universe has unwritten laws that we can actually follow, and we are aware of all of this, but we continue to create problems, allow them to escalate, and then blame God for the thousands of displaced families in Gaza.
When I think about my life problems, I mostly acknowledge my flaws and those that are not mine. Guess what? Most of these problems are a byproduct of the consequences of the actions of another person. In Nigeria for example, people would rather lie, than admit they're wrong.
People would vote for the wrong people because the right person did not speak their language, and then blame God for allowing them to suffer. I live in a country where people would rather collectively live in darkness than have one person escape it to experience light. Some people are toxic at heart, and they would rather blame anyone else than themselves.
Whenever I begin to ask myself questions as to why I'm not in a better place, it's probably because I woke up feeling too sick to get up or I'm just dwelling on why life didn't let me have enough energy to grind.
The grind is the grind.
A lot of people will continue to choose the grind over suicide. While my life is messed up in many ways, I still prefer where I am, because many are into in my place, and they're still alive and putting in the work.
Disability is a thing of the body, for me, it's not in my mind
When I feel too weak or sick to pay the bills, I know it is my body that is holding me back; I already know it is not my mind, it is just my body deciding to crash against my will.
However, I know the body is the vehicle of the mind, the mind, no matter how powerful it is cannot live past the limitations of the body. So when I feel like life is unfair, I know I can not blame it on myself. I understand that these are the cards that have been dealt to me, but does this make things easier? No.
No matter how life gets, try and submit to the grind. Nobody will care if you are blind or in a wheelchair; the world will label you as poor without even considering whether it was your fault.
Interested in some more of my posts
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