I grew up as a very quiet person with no friends, so all I did was read; normally, I should have been socializing with other kids, but I didn't.
My family moved frequently when I was younger, so there was no time to form long-term friendships, which had an impact on school because I was not always in school, I did not learn like other kids, I was terrible at math, and it was like sorcery to me.
I somehow believed that I was not meant to be as brilliant as other children, and I eventually accepted this. I grew up never really needing to talk to anyone. I find it odd when I hear people talk about loneliness.
I could go a year without talking to anyone and it would not feel strange. I had mastered the art of loneliness, not by choice, but due to the circumstances surrounding my illness and upbringing.
In contrast, I was a different type of adult; I met more people as an adult, but I do not consider them friends; I see them as people who came and went. The point is that I was a more vocal adult in my twenties, and I did not understand how it happened.
It was like a character development that only happened in the movies. I believe the main reason was that I left home to live with a relative, and once there was some stability, I began to understand my identity. They realized I had a chronic condition and treated me accordingly: with caution and awareness.
I started to find a voice.
I started working instead of meeting new people, and I realized I was not cut out to be a quiet person.
I went from not saying much to being the guy who could talk their way out of trouble. I believe this is how I was able to get strangers online to give me jobs. I was ghostwriting and earning money as early as 2014; I was not skilled, but I learned on the job.
Again!
In contrast to the previous few years, I have returned to being a loner. I did not have many friends, and I pretty much disappeared everywhere. In the first few months the girls I related with couldn't access me, they kept dialing my number but I didn't pick up.
Some of them probably thought I was dead; one of them even posted a question about my whereabouts online. Again, something devastating happened to me, and I simply gave up and lost interest in life.
It was difficult to lose every member of one's nuclear family, and as a result, I lost my ability to socialize; I could not say much and could not express myself externally. Every thought process occurred in my mind, and I became the guy who rarely spoke but had a lot on his mind.
I recently decided to return to working online gigs to pay the bills; over a year of not being interested in life had caused me to accumulate debt and bills. It is not like I am still interested; bills need to be paid.
Character transformation and development are real, but many people have not experienced it, most likely because their lives have been smooth and regular.
It is not just something you see in the movies; it is entirely real. Take a look at a TV show like The Walking Dead to see how regular school teachers, nurses, and professors turned into stone cold killers. What happened?
They face a life-threatening plague that has wiped out the Earth's population. Trauma, the need to adapt, or pain can cause character transformation; it is not OCD or anything else, but genuine pain and the struggle to adapt and survive.
We are like shells that protect a cocoon of diverse personalities; only life's traumatic or pleasant experiences can reveal these identities. Some are fortunate to have lived and many more will live peaceful and beautiful lives, while others are not.
Interested in some more of my posts
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Monopoly Is the Death of Civilization
Survival: Choas and Scarcity
Crypto: Gut & meaningful Connections
What is the primary barrier to entry in Web3?
What Are Some Things You Should not Do During A Bull Market Year?
