Hello my dear friends of this beautiful community, I was actually hoping to write to you all in the evening hours but I think I just couldn't wait as I get a little cut up with alot that I have been thinking throughout the day and I think one way of actually getting before for me personally is to talk about them or write them down and that is where this very post comes to play...
I feel like there is this part of me that have been focused on what people will say about me or on how people will see me and that has actually made me put a lot of effort into things that does not matter and make me do things that deep inside I know I shouldn't do trying to impress society can be really hard and it's been almost 24 hours that have been thinking about this and I couldn't sleep I have been playing Christian songs to try to calm myself down but I think none of that is working. I have done a lot of thinking and I called my friend yesterday night and we will on call for over an hour as I explain to her everything that I have been feeling and how it has been going on with me and I really want some changes around myself but then I am so scared of the changes if I am going to get it right after involving myself in one parts for a very long time, It breaks me.
She was there for me like a sister, like a mother, there are some things that I don't want to discuss with my mum need that my sister and I am so glad I have such a friend that I can rely on and our advice is really made a lot of sense talking with her actually calmed me down a bit as she brought around our life works and things I should avoid for the main time as I tried to heal. this morning I woke up but I couldn't step out because I was still down and I noticed I got a message on my WhatsApp so I quickly checked in and I saw that she sent me some really cool music to calm me down and I almost cried out she is really taking her time to make sure that I am fine I mean there is nothing more I will want to ask for in a friend if not exactly everything that she is...
I played the songs and I was actually crying I almost called my mum but I didn't want to put her in a situation where she's not worried about me so I had to do it all by myself and I didn't know when I actually slept off I just woke up few minutes ago and I decided to write this post here so that I will not have to think about them because if there is something I've noticed about myself is when something bothers me I will want to write about it or talk to someone that really understands and once I do that I feel a lot better and the pressure that was there about the situation will believe me as I have actually communicated it out and that is how I keep surviving as an over-thinker somehow...
I know it is not good to think too much but there's no situations you will find yourself in that you don't even know how you start doing exactly the opposite you've been telling yourself but above all I hope that I find peace in Christ Jesus my Savior because he is the only one that can heal and my heart is open to receive him...