How to Apologize The Right Way

Many people avoid apologies or when they try to do it their apologies are only half baked and then other people get upset about the bad apology, and it goes around and around like that. Well today you're going to learn how to apologize the right way, the first time.

i'll show you four talking points in a moment. But first here are some ground rules before we get to those steps.

One ground rule is you only need to apologize if you did something wrong.

Don't apologize just because somebody else is upset, or because they don't agree. be on the lookout for false guilt.

Another rule is to do this face to face if possible, but you can use these tips in an email or a text.

Now if you did something wrong then it's best to apologize. It's the first step in making the relationship right again and stick around to the end because i'm going to give you a bonus tip about the legal implications of apologizing even for really serious situations, and what I say will very likely surprise you.

And of course, gets you a place in your head, in your heart, where you can communicate these steps that we're going to cover in a sincere way, if you apologize in a half-hearted or unclear way, others will see this as a character flaw.

So apologizing is just as much about honesty, as it is about the words. Use these four steps as a checklist.

First, name a mistake and take full responsibility

Don't be vague about what you did, don't say, “i'm sorry i messed up,” name the mistake.

Here are some other sample lead and phrases that you can use to name the mistake, and take full responsibility.

“I take full responsibility for,” and then name the mistake, or say what you did specifically and then say, “this was my mistake,” or “i was wrong to” and then name the mistake.

It's a common oversight not to say what you did specifically and this could be because the person is embarrassed, and they don't want to draw more attention to what they did wrong. But our apology will seem half-hearted unless we say what we did directly.

Will Smith for example was really vague he used phrases like “my behavior was out of line” in his written apology.

He never said exactly what he was apologizing for, and people called him on that. Another common mistake is to want to point out a little blame for the other people involved, and yes it's true that situations are complex and there's usually plenty of blame to go around. But it's your job to apologize for your side.

It's not your job to point out, how the other person also made mistakes. Lead by example, take the initiative, and you may be pleasantly surprised that the other person is more likely to then apologize for their part.

Second, apologize and express remorse

As mentioned apologies have to be genuine. You have to mean it. When you say words like, “i apologize,” “i'm sorry,” or “ i regret what i did.” Now this might overlap a little with the first point, depending upon how you worded that. but double check to make sure that you're apologizing and expressing remorse at least by this point in the conversation.

Here are some sample and phrases for this talking point.

“I apologize for causing this problem.”
“I'm sorry that i handled this poorly.”
“Please accept my apology for..”
“I regret the harm my actions have caused, and i am sorry.”
“I feel terrible.”

That's where you talk specifically about the harm that you caused.

Now, some people have a lot of trouble saying i'm sorry, i'm wrong, i apologize. In fact there's a running joke on the old show “Happy Days” about the Fonz he was the cool guy played by Henry Winkler. He could not successfully say the words, “i'm sorry” or “i was wrong.” So, if you have trouble saying those words, you may still have to swallow your pride a little bit more, admit to yourself that you're not perfect, and face the fact that you did make a mistake.

The world's not going to stop turning if you say the actual words, “I was wrong.” A common mistake here is that some people will use words like i'm sorry or i apologize, but they'll tinker with the way they say it, so that it's about something else.

They might say for example, “I'm sorry that you feel that way,” or “what happened was regrettable.” that's a phony apology.

Some of the right words are there, but it doesn't cut it because you have to apologize for your actions. Don't dance around it, or change the wording so it passes by you.

People can see right through that phony, self-serving type of remorse, if you made a mistake, own the mistake.

Third, say what you'll do to solve the problem.

Now, not all mistakes can be undone, but we can at least take some kind of action to make up for it, or ensure that the mistake doesn't happen again and again. It's important that you say what you'll do about it directly. So here are some lead and phrases to help you start this talking point

“It won't happen again.”
“Here are the steps i'll be taking.”
“I've cleared my calendar today to fix this.”

This is an important step that many people miss, but it's really critical that you do this. So yes you've already explained that you're part of the problem, and you've cleared the air about that. This step then explains what you'll do to be part of the solution moving forward and this makes it much easier for other people to trust you again.

So, if you made a technical error, explain how you'll be attending a training session to make sure that you learn to perform this task accurately. If you hurt somebody's feelings, then maybe do something nice or do something else that'll build up goodwill again. Take some corrective action to make it better.

Fourth, follow through with concrete action

Taking action is the only real proof. You can say all the right words, but if you don't back it up, if you do it again it's going to kill your credibility. People will believe your actions more than your words. So here's a real example, if i say to my girlfriend, i'll pick you up at 3 pm but I don't show up, i may apologize and he may accept my apology in the moment, but the real proof will be the next time.

So a few days later, if i say i'll pick you up at 3 pm and then i follow through and arrive on time or a few minutes early, that's proof that my initial apology was sincere. I walked my talk, as the expression goes.

My actions then start to rebuild trust again with my girlfriend. so this is a real situation i was pretty late picking her up one time and it bothered her. I lost track of time, i apologized and she accepted it, but it didn't really sink in until I showed up on time every time after that, my actions backed up my words.

Conclusion

It's a little segment for those naysayers out there who give terrible advice about this let's look at these four steps again. The next time you need to apologize follow these for your talking points to make sure that you structure your apology the right way the first time. Don't skip any.

Otherwise your apology will come across as half-hearted or half-baked and by the way feel free to post your apology stories in the comments section below. I look forward to reading them those can be good, bad, or ugly and i will see you soon

Images & Elements are Copyright Free . Designed by me using canva