As an undergraduate of the University of Ilorin, Nigeria years ago, I had a passion for writing articles and quotes on relationships. I was a bit consistent with that and soon got a following. After a while, I began to get private messages on social media from many people (mostly ladies) who sought for my advice on one relationship issue or the other.
Almost every night after school hours, I find myself counselling people and encouraging them to stick to what their heart tells them. My empathetic nature makes it easy for me to understand how they felt and they are usually glad to share their worries, fears and experiences with me. There were some I advised to give their relationships another try and I advised some to quit especially when I discovered they were in toxic relationships.
Soon I discovered that they usually return weeks or months after to share their excitement and gratefulness for following my counsels. I became overjoyed, especially when one day a woman in her late twenties texted me. She was about to get married but had some issues with her future in-laws. She was losing hope and was about to throw in the towel but when she stumbled upon an article I posted on how to strengthen ove relationship, she decided to contact me for assistance. As usual, I asked some questions to ascertain the source of the conflict that was brewing between her and her fiancee's immediate family and gave her some advice which she promised to adhere to.
I got a feedback from her weeks after and she sounded so excited. She told me she became closer to her mother-in-law and a day hardly goes by without the older woman calling and praying for her on phone. I was amazed. How can a student in his late teens be a relationship consultant to adults? A careful reflection made me realize that voracious reading habits and my penchant for studying people during my early years built my knowledge and understanding of human behaviour. Thus, I was able to help others despite my young age. I then understood that this what exactly what Theodore Roosevelt meant when he said, “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” So I kept on with it passionately.
Nevertheless, something was missing and I never realized it then. I graduated a couple of years later and gained a deeper understanding of relationships when I had more personal experiences. Then I found that it was challenging to follow many of the theories I gave others while I was a university student then. The advices looked simple to conjure in the mind and say but difficult to follow if one is directly involved. I discovered what was missing was 'EXPERIENCE', a key ingredient in most life endeavours. The reason some people never consulted me then was because they knew I had little or no experience. And experience takes time to acquire. Now I know that it is impossible to write a map on how to navigate a sea you've never transversed. But over the years, I've been able to give practicable solutions because I knew what it felt like to be in some situations.
In the words of Aldous Huxley, "Experience is not what happens to a man. It is what a man does with what happened to him". Soon I realized that true experiences are not dependent on age or the circumstances one has been through. The essential thing is to possess an innate sense of awareness coupled with a conscious effort to learn from situations and improve rather than self-destruct.
Now I know better and I keep learning each day. However, my passion for helping people with relationship issues has never waned for a second yet I was glad I started so early. Earlier this week, that same lady sent me a special invitation to her wedding ceremony which would hold in December, 2021. And it's amazing that she's getting married to the same man she was with years ago when we had our first encounter. What I found most touching was her statement: "Philips, I would have given up when it got so tough then. But I thank God for your help and advice". I was happy that I could make such positive impact even while I was inexperienced and now that I know more, it's going to be even better.
Among others, these experiences taught me two important lessons:
Firstly, I learn to never hold back your help from people due to feelings of inadequacy. Don't wait for perfection because it will never come. Sometimes, a listening ear is all some people need to get inspired and bounce back on their feet.
In addition, I learnt not to be comfortable with mediocrity. One must seek to advance and gain more knowledge and experience in everything one does. Be in no competition with anyone but yourself and remember that you can always do better. Your last is never your best!
