Blaming is arguably one of the oldest and most universal human behaviors. Whether consciously or unconsciously, we all do it sometimes.
There's this saying that state that: 'Don’t blame the messenger' since his/her job is to deliver the message. But what if the messenger is actually to be blamed? How do we tell the difference between a valid and an invalid blame?
The blame game is the tendency to attribute negative outcomes to external or internal factors. Rather than accepting personal responsibility or acknowledging the role of chance.
I believe one of the main reasons why it is a universal human behavior is because it helps us to cope with disappointment, guilt and other related emotions. Especially with regards to the role of chance. Since things are beyond our control in those cases.
Adaptive And Maladaptive
I will argue that blaming is not inherently bad or good. It is how we use it that matters ultimately.
We use blame as a constructive feedback mechanism when we blame adaptively. And this helps us improve our abilities and grow from our errors.
For instance, if we lose a game, we may blame ourselves for not practicing enough and promise to train harder to be better prepared next time.
Or if we lose our wallet, we might blame the thief for being sneaky and decide to be more alert with our belongings in the future.
We usually use blame as a defensive strategy when we blame maladaptively. This means using blame as a way to avoid accountability or to defend our self-image. I frown at myself anytime I look back to the moments that I responded with maladaptive blaming.
For example, I remember the time when I failed my math exam semester after semester and I'd blame the teacher for being unfair(or the subject itself being too hard) and refuse to acknowledge my own shortcomings.
I think most people naturally start with maladaptive blaming but as we mature mentally and emotionally, we gradually shift more into adaptive blaming.
In my view, the main challenge with maladaptive blaming is its tendency to bring about negative implications for both ourselves and others. I've noticed that when we blame others, we tend to feel angry and resentful towards them. And these feelings oftentimes makes us stressed and unhappy.
But the real implication is that it can harm our relationships and trust with others, as we might gradually lose their respect and support. On the same breath, it can also reduce our reputation and credibility, because we might appear irresponsible or immature to others.
Of course, this doesn't imply that adaptive blaming is without blemishes. When done too much, that too can have its own implications such as being depressed and anxious about ourselves since in some cases we will be undermining our confidence and self-worth.
Relativity
Whether it is blaming others or oneself, the basis always is to pinpoint where the source of the negative outcome lies and come to a rational conclusion about it.
The interesting thing is that the former is seemingly uncontrollable while the latter seems controllable.
Realistically, not much is within our control when it comes to the outcome of situations. And how we react or respond to the outcome mostly changes our perception of it. I'll say this is also an interesting thing in a sense that it displays the relativeness of control.
Thanks for reading!! Share your thoughts below on the comments.