You know that moment when you're finally done with a long day, you sit outside, take a deep breath and think, “Ahhh, what a day… but now it’s my time. Movie, maybe a beer, maybe some chips if I feel fancy.” Yeah, that moment is golden.
And then… bam! A weird little feeling sneaks in. Not loud. Just weird. And I'm like, “Nooo, please not now. Let me chill. Go away weird feeling. Shoo! I deserve peace!”
If you're not epileptic, you probably have no clue what I'm talking about 😂
This kind of thing happens to me now and then. Most times it’s just a feeling...nothing actually happens. No seizure. Just my brain being dramatic. But sometimes, well... life decides to throw in a little plot twist.
So, two days ago, we finished work. And I can’t say it was a calm day, because, let’s be honest, calm doesn’t exist at work...but it wasn’t horrible. People were in a good mood, smiling, chatting. We sat outside after work, just talking and enjoying the moment.
There were chips on the table (important detail). We're laughing, vibing, all good... and then...
Nothing. Blank. Gone.
Suddenly I’m back, and everyone is staring at me like I just landed from Mars.
I'm confused, trying to ask, “What’s happening?!”But guess what? No words. Mouth says nope. I just hear my husband go, “It’s okay. Breathe. You're okay.”
I want to argue, say “No way, I’m fine, that wasn’t a seizure!” but… still can’t speak. So now I’m like, “Oh crap… maybe it was?”
My coworkers are staring. One asks, “Are you okay?” and all I can manage is a tiny “Yes.” Just that. Not a full sentence.
After a minute or two, my brain starts booting up again...slowly. Words come back, piece by piece. Still a bit weird, but better. My coworkers? Some of them had never seen me like that, so they looked properly freaked out. One minute I’m eating chips, next minute I’m in a glitch.
My husband held my hand and we went home. I was so tired, I didn’t even see the couch. Just bed. That bed was the only thing that existed in the universe.
Next morning...surprise! I wanted to go to work. My husband, being the smart one, said “Nope, stay home.” Me, being me, said, “I’m good! Let’s go!”
So we go. At work, one of my coworkers comes to me all apologetic. I’m like, “Why are you sorry?”
She goes, “I tried to give you chips yesterday and you just stared at me. I kept saying, take it! but you didn’t.”
I laughed and said, “Girl, you didn’t know, so don’t feel sorry, please!”* She felt bad. But how could she know? Unless you’ve seen it before, you’d just think I was being weird or dramatic. Only a few people know what it looks like. My husband does...he’s a pro now. He doesn’t panic. He knows the signs... I go quiet, I stare, I freeze.
People think epilepsy means big dramatic seizures with falling and shaking. But nope. Absence seizures (they used to call them petit mal) are small but mighty. You just kinda pause. No warning. You freeze. It lasts a few seconds...mine can go up to 30. My husband actually times them, like he’s timing a sprint 😄⏱️
From the outside, it might look like I’m zoning out. But inside? A full fireworks show in the brain. Neurons throwing a party without an invite. No pain, no drama, just a sudden shut-down.
Sometimes it happens a few times a day, sometimes not for weeks or months. The meds help, but it still shows up. And honestly? The part I hate most is right after. I can’t speak. I know what I want to say, but the words are just stuck. It’s like the brain is awake but the mouth hit snooze.
It sucks. I won't lie. But what I don’t want is people looking at me like I’m broken. Or saying, “Poor girl.” I’m not poor. I’m not fragile. I just have this… glitch. It’s part of me now. And yeah, maybe forever.
What I hate most is the look...when people see it for the first time and realize “Oh… this really happens to her.” I’d rather it happen alone, honestly. Because then no one stares. No one sees me as sick.
I’m not sick. I’m living. Working. Driving. Exercising. Loving life (and chips). I just need a little less stress and a little more peace now and then.
So yeah...don’t be scared of us. Don’t feel bad. Don’t think we can’t do what you do. We can. We do. We’re just built with a little extra sparkle ⚡
Oh...and what causes these? It’s basically a mini brain party gone wrong. Too much electric stuff going where it shouldn’t. Neurons being naughty. That’s it.
I’m just writing this so you guys know...if someone suddenly stares at you and doesn’t answer in the middle of a conversation, they’re not being rude. It might be an absence seizure.
We will come back, so don’t panic. Just stay calm and say something nice or gentle. That really helps. Panic doesn’t.
Thanks ❤️
Today, I’m home. Sun is out. Music is playing. I’m sitting outside, telling myself:
“Girl, you’ve earned a couch potato day.”
And I’m taking it. With full permission. 😉💛
"Sometimes, the brain just takes a break. Be patient — we’ll be back in a moment." – Unknown
With love, @tinabrezpike ❤️