It Was an Avalanche

Hello Hiveians!

I'm on my 4th day of my 30-Day Blogging Challenge by @tegoshei and the topic for this day should be about my relationship or if I'm single, I'll discuss about single life. Wait. Who would discuss their single life? That's why I hated this topic. 😂

Story time.

Just a few months before quarantine, I met someone via a dating site. Now, before you'll react, I know what you feel because I'm also confused until now as to why I did what I did. Everything goes against my nature as a calculating and distrustful individual. I had almost all of my firsts with that person. I called it as an avalanche affair. Everything happened so fast that I had trouble keeping up. It was so overwhelming I almost shut down. That was one week of pure stimulus that rocks the very world I envisioned and started to build around me. It seems I'm in a speeding car with the person who made me feel both anxiety and adrenaline at the same time. And you and I both know where that speeding car was going. In a crash.

And then I was ghosted. Just like that.

One day, all you feel is this ray of sunshine and pure bliss that you don't care what the world thinks about you. All you care was the person beside you, holding your hand and smiling at you, making your stomach churn, forcing you to neglect all the thoughts of what would be the aftermath of that moment. The next day, everything feels cold. You left your shell because you were given assurances. And those assurances are gone with the whiff of the wind.

I was left with a bitter choice, go back to the ruined shell where I once was or stay in the cold where I could freeze waiting for the sun to shine again. If I'll choose the former, I wouldn't see the world the same. If I'll choose the later, I would be choosing the path to my own demise. Care to guess what I chose?

I was desensitized. Just like that.

Imelda Papin's Isang Linggong Pag-ibig would not be able to describe what happened. It was a mess. Everything went haywire. I couldn't care about the world around me because what happened inside my head was pure devastation. I realized it was never about that person, it was about me. It was about those first time sensations that I never thought would happen to me, but happened anyway. I realized that the person was irrelevant because it was about me and my feelings at that exact moment where the world I built collapsed in front of me. I never thought that all it takes is a complete stranger to make the bricks of my wall crumble and turn to dust.

There are things I could not divulge in this post as it is tantamount to betrayal. Betrayal of both trust and decency, if there's such a thing. What I can do is resort to metaphors and allusions to mask the inadequacy of words to describe what really happened. As I said, everything was a mess.

I hate to admit that "The Logician" ignored all the warning signs and red flags. I couldn't accept the fact the everything's going down a slippery slope. I couldn't accept that I didn't anticipate the risks I subjected myself into. Or I anticipated every risk, I just ignored them. To give you a little bit of context, I went to a place I didn't know exists in the middle of the night just to meet that person. My calculating self ignored the very idea that I could be robbed or anything worse could happen to me. That was pure insanity.

So, YES, I'm single and more guarded than ever. Happy?

Note: Allowed comments are only those that pertains the philosophy and psychology behind such acts. Nothing more, nothing less. 😂

Kim Ybañez

_{Welcome to Kim's small corner in Hive. He is a chemical engineer by profession, but a blogger by passion. He is a wanderlust and an adventure seeker. Join his quests as he visits secluded destinations, climbs mountains, tries new and exotic dishes, and explores his country (The Philippines) and the rest of the world even if he's still a poor corporate slave with tons of bills to pay and two siblings to support in college.}

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