Huhm, I have had days when I want to just disappear or feel invisible to everything and everyone, not because I hate life but because life will always throw something heavy at you. There are days that I just wake up and I would just feel down, to write or type would just be an issue for me, I would just stare at my phone and don't just have the strength to be the motivator people expect.
The thing is, I help people, I listen when they cry, I speak when they can’t find the words, I carry their burdens in silence, I motivate, I offer them the best way out and all, and trust me, I love it. I love being someone people run to. But what happens when that person who helps everyone feels like giving up, what happens when the one who tell other that they are strong and not to give up feels like collapsing himself.
One of the ways in which I stay motivated is by reminding myself why I started, not because I feel strong and all. I would sit to think while remembering the carious messages I’ve received from people....your words saved me, thanks for not allowing me to give up, thanks for standing by me, thanks for your timely words...and all. I would remember all the anonymous messages, the WhatsApp chats filled with broken hearts, academic struggles, silent depression, and all those haunting text messages.
But, I am human too, I am not perfect, I face life too, I have my own battles too, even though they might be silent, I have experienced loud and life threatening ones as well. And, I don’t always win them, there sre times I cry. I lose motivation too, countless times have I stared in my mirror and have didn't see that strong person, all I keep seeing was just someone trying, trying to stand, to be on his feet.
So, I accept I am not human and not perfect, that's how I stay motivated, I don't bottle up things, I cry if I need to, I take a break if I must( that's exactly what am doing now, taking break out, presently, am going through things, and I just took time out), there are times I talk to God. I remind myself that rest is not weakness, and silence is not failure.
Also, I stay motivated because I know someone somewhere is holding on because of the light I carry, and the light must not go off, cause if it does they might stumble, they might lose hope, they might do the irrevocable.
Motivation is not all those cheers and applauses, cause a time is coming that it will stop and when it does, wen it remains just you and no one to cheer and applaud you, what happens?
Motivation atimes are those small decision we make, those times I've decided to show up even though I'm also breaking, it's opening my WhatsApp status and typing one line of encouragement even though I need one myself, it's me choosing to be the reason someone smiles even when am struggling to smile as well. It is called strength and courage, and with that, you will definitely want to continue.
Also, I have experienced life to a certain extent that I got to know that the pain, struggle and all that comes our way has a purpose. For me, I believe that if I go through this, maybe it’s to make my voice more real, my words more sincere. And, that's the truth, it had helped, I have helped someone who once told me he doesn't want a motivator, he asked me bluntly if I have experienced anything like he's going through, I should share my story and how I overcame, that's it, some people won't want to know that you survived, they want to know how you did, they want your own personal stories, they don't want you referring to that of others.
I write, I speak, I share, even when it hurts. Because at the end of the day, I don’t just do this for others. I do this for me too. I may feel like giving up, but I’ve come too far, and I’m not done yet.
all pictures are mine, second and third pictures are screenshots of my WhatsApp status
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There are various entries organized by @leogrowth. This post is in collaboration with the @cleanplanet community and an entry to day 27 of #aprilinleo in #inleo, I am inviting you to also check it out, so as to partake in various interesting writing prompts.