I will start with the reason I am writing this post- I am a mum and I have spent a hell of a lots of time thinking about how to teach life lessons to my child. We all talk about right and wrong but isn't that a bit too black and white?
Immediately I want to say - the world isn't just black and white, there are so many gray areas isn't there. But that's not quite right neither. Life isn't black and white or 1000 shades of grey, it's god damn colourful. So why the fuck do we talk about wright and wrong? And how exactly do you define right and wrong anyway? What's right for one is wrong for the other and vice versa. For some they believe that sex before marriage is wrong. Others will argue that it's not right to go into a marriage not knowing if you are a compatible in bed. In my mother's eyes it is wrong that I have left my home and moved to another country to make a life there. In my eyes, I've totally done the right thing. Someone would say it's wrong to cuddle your baby to sleep, others say you should absolutely do it. It's wrong to bully, steal, kill but in the eyes of the person who did it maybe it was right thing to do? Most serial killers are proud of their work and would do it again.
Don't do this or that and you should and shouldn't, must and mustn't, can't, have to, etc. That kind of talk will always be opposed; you say black, I say white, anlnd we are getting nowhere. Sometimes I want to do the thing you say is wrong just because you said it is wrong. Rebellion is such a strong thing. So clearly - dividing things into wrights and wrongs doesn't always work, so why do people keep doing it? I guess because that's all they know, that's how they have been taught to see the world by those who have in turn been taught the same thing going back generations.
So here is my philosophy. I will instead teach my kid about actions and consequences. Actions and consequences are not black and white, because there are so many possibilities. This is colours. What will happen if you stick your finger in the socket? Maybe nothing or you might get a really nasty shock and be in a lot of pain and cry afterwards or get electrocuted and die. Obviously, I would not try to say this to a child who doesn't speak or understand me yet, there has to be a level of understanding. You want to bully someone at school? Yes you will get your way but also people generally don't like bullies so the chances are the other kids will hate you, you will never have true friends, you will probably get into a lot of trouble with teachers and parents constantly, and there is a chance that karma will send someone to bully you one day and you will get the taste of your own medicine. You want to steal? Maybe you will get away with it and maybe not. If you get away with it the chances are you will do it again and then again until you become overconfident and stupid and eventually get caught. And then bla bla bla etc etc will happen. I think explaining the potential consequences is much more efficient and it gives them a choice. When one makes a choice they are more likely to reflect on it and learn from their mistakes. Hands up who learned from the mistakes of their parents and grandparents. I doubt there are many. And to be honest this kind of philosophy works for me as well - instead of thinking should I do this or not, I always think, what will happen if I do and if I don't and then choose the most suitable option.
Obviously you can't predict the future and anything could happen, even stuff you couldn't imagine, but I think it's a good start. Maybe sticking those fingers in the socket could give you superpower, you just never know. But I'll choose to keep mine out of it.