This week so far has been so stressful (part of the reasons my Hive activity has reduced). Another important activity was added to my already busy life and quite frankly I wasn't prepared for it. I'm generally bad at organizing my schedule, and I knew it was coming but I didn't prepare. As a matter of fact I'm still trying to figure things out.
I'm very responsible for making the week difficult for myself, not just because I failed to prepare, but I also did something I'm not proud of, I lied.
I won't get into the full details, but I needed to undergo a program and to be able to do it I must first go through some certain screening processes. All my friends had done it except me, so I lied I had, rather than just telling them I hadn't. A lot of people are partaking in the program so it's difficult to identify those that haven't been screened. My plan was to do the screening process while partaking in the program (at the moment its been halted for at least a week) that way no one would notice.
I joined them and by the time we began they were all familiar with what was going on. I wasn't, but I had to learn on the spot. I couldn't ask questions because I was afraid that if I asked it may be something they had been informed during the screening process and then it would be obvious I hadn't done it.
All through my mind wasn't at rest because I hadn't done the screening process. I was trying my best to get as much information about the screening process without necessarily asking them so as not to seem suspicious. It was totally nerve-wracking. At times they would tell a few stories from the screening process and I would just keep mute, avoid the topic in general, once I even made up an excuse to leave.
This morning one of them messaged me and asked me what group I was in (Apparently they had divided them into groups for project work after the screening process). I asked him what group he was and he told me. I had already formulated another lie about the group I was in, but then I thought to myself
what's the point of lying. They'll probably still find out anyway. When they find out they won't trust you again. Isn't it better you tell them yourself.
I was ashamed and afraid as to how they'd see me after that. But after about ten minutes of staring at their numbers I called all of them one after the other and told them everything. They were all chill about it, and even volunteered to put me through all the steps, as well as keep me updated on the happenings of the program I might miss.
As soon as I got of the phone with the last person, I felt a sudden relief. The burden of having to keep up the lie was lifted from my shoulders. The truth they say sets you free. I now realize that there was no point in lying. All it did was lead to more lies, anxiety, shame, and it just made things that shouldn't have been complicated complicated .
If I had told them the truth from the start it would have been easier to understand the workings of the program because they'd have put me through. They would also be no reason for me to feel anxious. I'd have probably enjoyed and learned from their experiences. Well at least all of this is still possible.
At times saying the truth will not be easy but saying a lie will lead to a secret which will be more difficult to keep. So rather than stress yourself trying to keep a secret why not tell the truth.
Have you ever lied, such that it lead to many more lies and it just felt like you were stuck?
Thank you for reading this post. Your support is greatly appreciated. Also, I'm looking forward to your comments. Have a wonderful day