Life is a challenge no matter what... I say that, maybe it's more accurate to say that having a mind is a challenge no matter what! It seems that we give ourselves a very hard time no matter what we do. If we do something then we may judge and criticise ourselves.. did we do enough, did we do it right, could we have done it differently? If we do nothing at all then what are we? Are we achieving enough, what is our purpose? Right now i am in Thailand for one month doing absolutely nothing. Previous to that i have been in a very simple village in India for four months also doing pretty much nothing except inner work.. which im starting think might be the most important thing we can do!
Being human is a funny old thing. WE think we are in control of our lives, of our feelings and emotions, but im starting to really realise that we are just the outcome of our programming. We are born like empty vessels, and in each and every moment we watch our world like hawks, learning and adapting to our environment. Our parents are our greatest teachers, and whether they know it or not, every action the perform, and every word that they utter goes deep into our minds and being.
I dont think we can avoid this, it is how we are made to be. We get so many messages from so many places that it ends up becoming our truth whether we like it or not. The messages and word that we hear end up becoming our program for life, whether we like it or not. If we are programmed with negativity then our minds continue to repeat. If we are programmed with positivity then likewise that is how we become, our mental chatter is just a mirror of what we have been told.
In a way we are like natural computers living out our programming, and the more we have this program reinforced the more we will believe it, until finally we can not even dare to believe anything different.
Our society and culture continues this process of programming us by simply existing. WE receive so many messages and ideas from our flawed programs from media, teachers, and friends.. but since we are open empty vessels we have no way to know if anything is right or wrong. In fact, we believe ANYTHING that we are told is right to be right, and there is little we can do about it.
You only have to look around to know this is true. Every culture, every religion believes what they know to be true, and uncontestable. It is a bit of a joke really because its not like people choose the culture they are in, and yet so very few will ever turn their back on it. That is what it means to be human.
Our western culture is one that demands us to be productive. WE are told and taught from an early age that we should work, and produce things. Children are often asked what they want to be or do when they grow up.. and one of the first questions people often ask others when they meet and greet is WHAT DO YOU DO? To which we often respond by labelling ourselves as one thing or another.. "Im a doctor, Im a teacher, Im a writer"..
In the west we are even taught that doing nothing is not OK, its a sin.. how dare we live and not do something, do more, make things, earn money, pay taxes? This relationship to life itself is hard to undo, and takes a lot of deep inner work and reprogramming to get over it.
I have reached the stage in my life at 48 years old when i dont HAVE to do anything to survive and be comfortable. I have no overheads, very low cost of living, no family or children. I have never worked in a normal job, i have always found a way to make money by myself.. and when i have not needed it i have not worked.. Is that oK?
Well its been an interesting journey to have to keep reprogramming myself that, YES that is OK. I do nothing productive at all anymore, and that is OK. It does not matter, it is not necessarily a good thing to just work because thing that gives our lives meaning and purpose.. even if we hate our jobs and when we really look at it, our work doesnt nothing much for the greater good.
In fact let's be honest, there are very few jobs that people do that are truly meaningful or productive. MOst jobs contribute to just making money to pay the bills, and the taxes. Most jobs are probably based on just extracting money from other people one way or another, and the larger the company or corporation we work for the more that is the case.
I personally consider paying taxes to be unethical in the highest degree. THis is a notion that many people can not agree with, and i KNOW most folks would berate me for saying so. I have almost never paid any tax in my entire life, and i am proud of it! THis is because i KNOW where most of that money goes to, and there is no way i can say that i think its ethical for 90% of the money taken by governments to be used for war, murder, and the desecration of our planet. I think most people repeat their programming that we must pay taxes to fund our hospitals and roads and such, but to me that is a smokescreen and so false. THose things cost virtually nothing in comparison to where most of the money taken goes to. If at LEAST most of it went back to our local community where it was taken from i might agree with it a bit more, but the truth is nearly every penny of it is taken away and funneled into trillion dollar accounts that will never be put to any good use.. but I digress!
As i spend this month away in Thailand all i can really do is eat and watch a beautiful view. Its easy when we are on holiday to do this.. no one would challenge it, that is after all the point of a holiday is it not! But what if that is your entire life? Just Living to be here in this moment, observing, watching, and breathing? Is that enough? I think it is, and i think the more we do it the easier it becomes. Not only that but i think the happier life becomes, because each day and each moment becomes like a meditation. WE are not chasing anything, we do not have great plans and ideas and desires. Life becomes extraordinarily simple, and the simpler it becomes the less we need to keep it going.
I am able to live like this now because i own almost nothing. I have hardly any bills, no car, i own my own home that i built myself, and am even able to rent it out and travel. Im not producing anything, doing anything, but each person i pass by i smile at and I feel that i am really here in this moment. My only desire now is to clear all my programming, to meditate, and to quieten my mind. The less i think, the easier it gets!
SO, if you are someone who criticises yourself because you think you are not achieving enough, maybe you can take a breath and ask yourself, where did that program come from? Are those your words or that of others? Do you really have to be doing this or that to be enough, or is just being alive enough on its own. I think it is, and that the less we do the better. The less we travel the better. The less we judge ourselves and others the better. The more we just stop, and listen, the better!
I hope you found this interesting.. and can take some gifts of self acceptance from it. You are enough, you dont have to be or do anything more to be just perfectly acceptable.. Its time to undo our programming! And so it is :)