For the first time in my life, I have to choose myself. No, scratch that, I have always had the opportunity to choose, this isn't the first time. The difference is that I am conscious about choosing myself this time.
You know how I can go on and on about loving to have a space of my own, all to myself, without sharing with anyone? As interesting as that sounds, I never really have that before.
I tried creating it, 6 years ago, the plan failed because a few days later, my girlfriend moved in without permission. She just figured since we are friends, I wouldn't mind. I just let her do it, thinking she'll be gone in a few days. I was wrong. She didn't.
Source
Fast forward, 6 years later, I still crave the my-space kinda life, and suddenly someone is coming up with splitting rent and staying together. No way.
At first, the idea seems fine. I have to mention she didn't ask about my thoughts either, she just said, "Ble, how much do you have, let's get an apartment and stay together"?. I didn't answer her. I just played along. I followed her to search for the apartment.
Yes, I did say the idea seem fine in the sense that, coming to Abuja, the most important goal was to live frugally and as minimalist as I can. So, splitting the rent and everything else sounded like a good idea.
When I discussed it with my friend, Ernest, he brought me back to reality. He reminded me I said I wanted my own space, I shouldn't forget that. He was right. I know I can be emotionally unstable with not having my space. I crave it like a child craves candy. And since I had a chance 6 years to create it, and I let pity take the ride home, I should not let it happen again.
Yes, you heard me, it's pity on display again. The human who wanted to share the space and rent right now doesn't have a place to stay. She needs to get accommodation as soon as possible.
Thinking about it, I decided, instead of sacrificing my peace of mind, for this cause, I'll sacrifice my money. I am planning to let her have the other part of the rent Money and get herself the house. While, I can go on, and get mine as well. This way, everyone wins. Once in a while, we can visit each other.
Again, I am not ready to get a house. I haven't had enough funds to sort the basic needs out. It will be a small expense. The money for the rent, foam, pillows, bedsheets, curtains, and then kitchen utensils. That would be all. The rest will be books, books, books, and books. That's all I need at this point.
Also, I will wait for her to get her apartment first, before mine, I don't want to start breeding grudges among the people I just recently met. It doesn't sound like a good start for me.
I am grateful I discuss this Ernest, and he brought me back to reality. No amount of money can replace my peace of mind. I should never have forgotten that.
Right now, she isn't talking to me, when I told her I would love to stay alone yesterday. I don't know why. I am guessing she doesn't have faith I have the money to gift her. And she is worried, I just cut her hopes in half.
I just met her recently, so I wouldn't blame her. Besides, she doesn't know I am a walking money machine, hehe. She doubts I have cash since all of them(I have three female friends, here in Abuja, already, isn't that amazing?) have been quite supportive trying to help me get a job.
They kept telling me I need a job to be able to survive in Abuja, all I do is play along. At some point, I'll have to disclose that I need my time, not for a job but to pursue my dreams. By then, we would have known one another enough to understand our different needs, desires, dreams, and goals.
What do you think? I'm I doing the right thing, choosing myself?