When was the first time you ever heard that command? I don’t remember exactly when I heard it first. I was a child though, and well under the age of ten. There were many things I did from fear of, "Or Else". I learned that’s how this world works. Do it, or else you’ll be punished. Punishment is executed in many forms.
I’ve done things I didn’t want to; in order avoid beatings and other fun things served up in my family during the years I grew up. Corporal punishment was a standardized favourite throughout society. At school, it was the same, to avoid being strapped or other lovely methods in routine use by teachers and principals. I would "obey" purely to avoid punishment.
BETWEEN COLOURS
Somewhere in my teenage years, I remember making a promise to myself. I had heard, “While you’re under our roof, it’s our rules”, too many times. I don’t recall what occurred. It was nothing serious, but it was one too many times where I was reminded that I was not in control of my own life. I promised myself that once I moved out on my own, it would be my roof, my rules.
That happened. The move was one of necessity in terms of being close to work, so a very ordinary move. Finally I had my own space in which to live how I chose. I’ve always been the kind of person that could be labeled “willful”. I walk my own path, even when I appear to be doing otherwise. While growing up, it was simply "go along to get along". Survival.
DROPLET HIGHWAY
No one ever explains to you when you’re a child, that this “Do it or else” thing is actually training in preparation for adulthood. I wonder how many realize they have been conditioned to blindly operate on auto-pilot without thinking. It was something I found out the hard way. I challenge the status quo. I ask questions. I mean, why can’t I ask, why can’t there be discussion and respect for each other? Does it have to be a situation of, “My way or the Highway?" People often become uncomfortable. Trigger reactive responses. Punishment for not abiding by “You have to Or Else”.
THREAT SUGGESTION
Better do what you’re told, or no job. Bye-bye job. That’s happened a few times. It’s sad when a boss can’t justify letting you go from a job because you find their practices unethical and harmful. They resort to lies and manipulations to accomplish the goal. It’s all about them after all. Humans are disposable when they don’t do as they are told without question.
In relationships of all types, “You have to Or Else”, often flips up fast and furious. I’m thinking of how many times I’ve allowed myself to be held hostage in various kinds of relationships for this reason. When I was younger I paid some heavy prices to avoid the “Or Else”. That never worked out well for me. Not once. I let fear run me. I let myself believe that “I had to” whatever it was. I gave my power away to someone else. I literally gave them power over me by believing, “I have to”.
The last seven or so years, I’ve pretty much finished with “You have to Or Else”. There are two effective techniques I use to break that controlling nonsense. One is to encourage the person to move on, in such a manner that they think it’s their idea to do so. The other is that I simply walk away, disappearing without warning or explanation. I’m just gone like the wind.
DROPLET PATH
It’s said that you should try to communicate with people, work things out, discuss. How are you going to do that with someone who is incapable of doing that? I do try though. I’ll give it my full effort. I’ll be open. I’ve learned to limit though, especially these days, when time is short. Some need severe limits. Others, it’s better to just be gone. Always, it’s best to rule oneself and never allow others to rule you.
This has been written for all the people who say to me, “I have to”. Why have you convinced yourself that you have to do whatever it is? Are the consequences worth it, or will you regret it? You can decide whatever you want. Don’t foolishly give your power away to another for any reason.
