An old friend sent me an article today which tells us the how the Queen's great grandchildren (Prince George, Prince Louis & Princess Charlotte) will soon be attending Lambrook preparatory school, located near Ascot in the UK. A long time ago my father believed himself to be an elite member of society and as such he sent me to this very same school. Reading the article brought back a lot of memories and I'm not exactly sure why but I feel like writing about it.
Lambrook was founded in 1860 and two of Queen Victoria's grandsons, Prince Christian Victor and Prince Albert of Schleswig-Holstein, attended, with Victoria travelling from Windsor Castle to watch them in plays and at cricket matches.
At the time I was rubbing shoulders with the son of Camilla Parker Bowles, Duchess of Cornwall & second wife to Prince Charles. I suppose this is one of the reasons he sent me there at the age of seven. If a school is good enough for members of the royal family it was good enough for me. Sounds cool on the surface right? Yet I assure you my experience there was anything but cool. And if I am going to be honest, I still have nightmares about the place today.
No doubt Lambrook has changed a lot since I was there but back then it was extremely strict and pain punishments were handed out regularly.
Poignant memories
I remember clearly the first time I was beaten by the headmaster. It was a Sunday morning on which we had an extra hour in bed and I found myself awake and unable to go back to sleep. The sunlight was streaming through a gap in the curtains above my bed and there were dust particles floating softly in the air, illuminated by the sun. I was intrigued by their gentle movement and lifted my hand to play with them, disrupting their movement and enjoying the visual effect this created. My DC (dormitory captain) saw what I was doing and angrily told me I should have been sleeping at this time. He sent me to see the headmaster and without any questions this strange old man beat me three times on the bum with a hot gym shoe which lived on the radiator to keep it at exactly the right flexibility for maximum pain. It was first time in my life I had ever experienced anything like this and it changed me instantly. Like I went into a shell.
Eyesight problems
Worth noting too that my vision changed shortly after this. I became short sighted, unable to see distance objects or the black board from the back of the classroom. Having researched vision since then I understand now this is a natural reaction to what was happening, common in the lives of many children when they are pulled from their calm family homes into a rather more traumatic kind of existence. The world around me seemed harsh and scary so my vision contracted, permitting me to see clearly only that which I chose to put directly in front of my face. Obviously no one told me this at the time and as a shortsighted child I was simply given glasses, which did correct my long distance vision but did not correct the trauma which had created the problem in the first place. Such is the way of the world today. Particularly evident in the medical industry. Generally speaking it aims to remedy the symptoms without addressing the cause, ultimately creating a lifetime of repeat business.
Dyslexia & ADHD
It was at this school I was declared to be dyslexic with ADHD tendencies, around the same time I was given my mandatory MMR vaccine (coincidence?). From then on I was told in no uncertain terms that I wasn't like the other children and would require extra pain or extra classes to snap me into shape.
Am very grateful to my mother who really helped me at this time by working on basic spelling exercises with me in the holidays and also she found a great specialist teacher outside of the school who was after some years able to help me catch up with the other children and ultimately shine in the way to which I have now become accustomed.
Photographic evidence of my attendance
Here is my school photo from 1985. That white building behind us I actually dreamt about last night. I was trying to escape from one of the first floor windows!
Can you see me in the front row?
I am in the middle, trying to smile for the picture with my very trendy side parting. Mixed emotions is what I see on my face.
The solution
The first few years were extremely difficult and I was beaten nine times in total by the headmaster. Many more by other teachers. Particularly my French teacher! Which is perhaps why I still feel a resistance to speaking the language today?
In the end I figured out how to survive there by breaking the rules & taking a lot of pleasure from that. I remember talking to my father about it and he told me not to break the 13th commandment: Though shalt not get caught! So that's what I did. And in truth, nothing much has changed today. Government has just replaced governance.
A few friends & I started a 'gang' called the SWOB gang. (Stonehill, Wallace, Oldridge & Bennet) and together we broke the rules in style, building a camp in the forrest complete with a porcelain toilet and pornographic magazines.
In the winter when it was dark early we urinated through little holes in a wooden fence exactly when random cars were driving past the school grounds. Yeah, that one was funny because from the other side all they could see was our penises and therefore couldn't identify us. Screw them we said. And by the end of our five year incarceration period, we loved it. But not because we were one of them.
The positives
Before I sign off I do want to recognise how there were some positive aspects to the school. I made friends with a young Chinese piano virtuoso who taught me to play from my heart (unlike my music teacher who wanted me to play by the book) and even today I can sit down at a piano and make Sabrina cry by just making something up. I learned to shoot rifles at the age of seven, I enjoyed my first personal garden (3x3M), growing potatoes & basil, I learned how to make elderflower cordial (the flowers grew on the school grounds) and I learned how to do magic. This last skill won me some UK competitions, gave me my first paid job performing shows and it helped me see that I could do anything I wanted with my life. If I just focus on something for long enough I will always become great at it. And perhaps, had I not gone to that school I would not have discovered this about myself till a later date. Perhaps never? So, for this I am grateful.
Final thoughts
Overall what I learned was that no one has the right to tell you how to live your life without permitting you to question their methods & intentions. So as soon as you find yourself in a situation where that is no longer possible, you must either change your situation or figure out a way to break the rules without getting caught.
Not all that surprisingly this is a lesson I appear to have passed on to my son already ;)
Love & Light everyone π±
Special thanks to the O of SWOB for staying in touch all these years and for alerting me to this story.
Title image taken from this article