In some sense, we're all entertainers.
I happened to visit an acquaintance and the atmosphere of the conversation we had was mostly centered around each of us taking turns to captivate and engage the other person.
I think it's a tradition of sorts down here that visitors are to be entertained and made to feel welcomed through lively exchange.
The host naturally assumes the role of the primary entertainer through sharing experiences to ensure their guest feels valued and engaged.
I'm sure I personally will have a hard time paying it forward when it's my turn to host, in this context.
My mind hasn't been fully wired that way, yet.
By all conventional means, I try not to assign myself a role that demands constant performance or the expectation to be "on" throughout an entire interaction.
The main reason is of course having the preference to be flexible, in terms of how the conversation flows and what role feels most natural in any given moment.
Another Tango, Of Sorts
In any conversation, there has to be a speaker and a listener. Both can be the same person and also each taking turns between both roles.
A listener can interject with a question that temporarily makes them the speaker, or a storyteller making a pause to gauge their audience's reaction, momentarily becoming the listener to nonverbal cues.
For example, imagine two friends discussing a recent trip. One begins as the speaker, describing the sights and adventures, while the other listens intently.
As details begin to emerge, the listener becomes curious about specific aspects, such as "What was the food like there?" or "How did you handle the language barrier?"
Not so suddenly, the roles flip as the original speaker now listens to these questions, considers them, and then responds.
Seesaw Imbalance
A trivial issue for me is when one party incarnates too much of one role and becomes stuck in either perpetual speaking or passive listening mode.
I know, in some contexts, like teacher and student, this is completely fine.
Not so if it's just two friends trying to catch up on the state of their lives and relationships.
The teacher-student dynamic has an inherent purpose and structure. One person possesses knowledge or expertise that the other seeks to acquire.
Besides, there's a mutual understanding that the teacher will do most of the talking while the student primarily listens and asks clarifying questions.
However, when friends gather to reconnect, the expectation is largely tilted towards mutual exchange.
Both parties come with their own experiences, thoughts, and emotions to share.
Feelings of being unheard or reduced to the role of an audience member rather than a participant arises when one friend dominates the conversation.
Conversely, when someone remains too passive, their friend would probably feel like they're performing a monologue rather than engaging in genuine dialogue.
Lacking Of Skill
I think the contrast between these contexts highlights how the same conversational pattern can feel appropriate in one setting but create discomfort in another.
I feel that there's an art form, subtle and nuanced, with regards to conversational balance that's quite elusive to the average person.
It involves reading the room, sensing when to step forward and when to step back, knowing how to invite others into the conversation without forcing them, recognizing when someone needs to be heard versus when they need space to process, etc.
Keep in mind that I'm part of the average person here and only glimpse of such from a third person perspective, as in observing when two or more people are having a conversation.
From this vantage point, I can notice the flow and rhythm, see when someone is being overshadowed or when the energy feels off-balance.
From a first person perspective, I miss much of this dynamic mentioned above.
It's like part of my brain that was online from a third pov goes offline in a first pov.
Could it be that the act of active engagement somehow prevents us from maintaining a detached awareness necessary to observe these subtle interpersonal dynamics?
I don't know. It's probably a skill issue and not necessarily an impossibility.
Thanks for reading!! Share your thoughts below on the comments.