This past weekend, I went on my monthly mushroom journey. It has been cool doing these monthly psychedelic trips. It is weird to think back to the beginning of this mental health journey and know how different I am as a person.
Psychedelic mushrooms have really given me the ability to look deep within myself and find out who I really am and what kind of a life I want. Its been really cool watching my dream unfold.
For this most recent trip, I had 4 grams of a strain named Bluey Vitton. They are a Penis Envy strain and I was a bit nervous heading into this trip. Mainly because I know how potent Penis Envy mushrooms can be and I had heard that the Bluey Vittons were a very potent strain and not for beginners. Luckily I have been doing a lot of yoga and meditations, so I felt pretty comfortable with the fact that I can control thoughts a lot better now.
My intention for this trip was to speak to God, or to find out what God was. I grew up in a religion that didn't make sense to me. I had felt abandoned by the God that was taught to me and felt I wasn't good enough for his presence in my life. I left that religion a little over ten years ago, but there was always that longing for me to find out what God was and how he or she fit into my life.
The days leading up to my trip, I spent a lot of time crafting a playlist that would be peaceful and make me think about who I am and what God was. Over the last couple years, I have become a lot more spiritual and less religious, but I also never truly understood the spiritual side of it all and how the universe works.
To start my trip, I chopped up the 4 grams of mushrooms and started boiling some water. I don't eat the mushrooms like some people do because I have found out that it is a much more comfortable experience to make a tea with it. So I steeped the mushroom bits for 20 minutes and then I poured it into my new mushroom tea cup and then mixed in a couple scoops of a mushroom/cacao mixture and some honey. The mushroom/cacao mixture adds some other beneficial mushrooms that work together with the psilocybin to help repair neural connections in the brain.
I drank the tea over about 15 minutes. Spreading it out like that helps the comeup be a bit more smooth and not hit you in the face. With this being 4 grams of a potent strain, I wanted to make sure I didn't get overwhelmed at the beginning because I didn't want to spiral out of control if it got crazy at the beginning.
After about 30 mins or so, I began to feel the effects creeping in. It always starts with an uncomfortable stomach ache. Its not a stomach ache like being sick or anything. Its more of an anxious stomach ache. It seems like its my body's way of letting me know that something is not normal inside my body. Once I began to feel this, I headed to my room to begin my trip with a meditation.
I meditated for about 20 mins and then warmed up some Northern Lights. I always like to begin my trips with a little bit of cannabis because it helps me to relax into the experience. My thoughts usually are a whirlwind at the beginning, so the cannabis really helps to calm things down.
Once I smoked the Northern Lights, I headed outside to my backyard to lay in my hammock under my massive trees. As I was walking outside, my body was beginning to feel different. It was like my body was going numb and my arms and legs seemed longer than normal. I was walking through the grass and everything was breathing at me. It was like nature was welcoming me and saying hi.
My playlist had a lot of Liquid Bloom and music like that in it. They were mainly instrumental songs that are slow and seem to evoke some pretty cool thoughts. I was just laying in the hammock staring up at the trees. The leaves began to take on geometric shapes with sharp edges. The branches of the trees looked like wire diagrams and they began making shapes of people and other objects. Then I noticed what seemed to be electricity shooting around the branches to the tips of the leaves. It was like the branches were little highways for the tree's life energy.
As I laid there contemplating life, existence and God, I began to notice the sun's rays peaking through the leaves at me. As I felt the warmth of the sun on my skin, I had a strong feeling that the sun was God. I thought about how the sun bring life to everything on earth and without the sun, we would all cease to exist. Then I started thinking about how as humans, we are made up of the sun's energy.
Then I began to think about how we are conscious beings. Then I realized that how we interact with the world and how our senses interpret the world is how our entire reality is structured. No one sees the world or experiences the world the same. So in essence, we are each Gods creating our own reality. One thing about religion that I realized is how traditional religion removes all the power that you have and gives that power to some other being. When in reality, we are in control of guiding our lives in the path that we want.
The visuals I was seeing was starting to get pretty intense. The sun was so bright and the edges of everything had rainbows on them, as if i was looking through a prism or something. I put an eye mask on and closed my eyes to try and lower the intensity of the lights. Once I put the eye mask on, I began to see a spiral of shapes and colors swirling at me. The shapes were made out of what looked like mosaic stones that you would see on the sides of Aztec temples. The shapes would swirl and grow as they came towards me and there were fractal patterns coming off of everything.
As I laid there with colorful patterns swirling at me, it was like I was part of a cosmic dance with the universe. One thing I love about mushrooms is how personal the experience feels. I was the only person on earth that was having this exact experience. Every song was like it was written and performed for me personally. I had some pretty strong auditory hallucinations as well. Time seemed to stretch and as it did, the music would slow down, speed up, or echo. A few times, I felt the earth shake kind of like an earthquake and every time that happened, it would pull me out of the meditative state I was in and I would pull my eye mask off and look around wondering what was going on.
I would put my mask back down and focus on my breathing again and slip back into my meditation. I began to feel that I have been having these sacred experiences for centuries and that I was connected to all of those experiences and life times. Time was really strange during this trip and I would feel like I had been in this state for an eternity, but at the same time i was always in the present. It is kind of hard to explain. It made me realize how the present is really the only thing that matters. The past is gone and the future hasnt happend, and everything is referenced to the now.
A couple hours into the trip, my wife came outside and brought me some fruit. When I was looking up at her, she the sun was behind her and all of her hair had a really bright backlight on it looked like she had an aura of rainbows. I just looked up at her face what what seemed like hours, then I realized how weird it must be for her because she wasnt experiencing time like I was.
As I was looking at her, I had such a strong feeling of love wash over me and I just started crying. I told my wife that she means everything to me. She has been there for me through so much and so many different versions of who I am and she has loved me through all of them. My wife and I have a pretty special relationship and I think we have a form of love that others will never experience. I want to do everything I can to support her so she can live out her dreams.
At one point in the trip, I went into the bathroom. They always say not to look into the mirror because it can freak you out and send you into a spiral. I really think that this depends on how you view yourself. When I was looking into the mirror, I had immense love for myself. I was so proud of how far I had come and all the work I have done on my health these past couple years. I got close to the mirror and stared deep into my eyes. My pupils looked massive and began vibrating while growing large and shrinking back down. It was really cool.
The entire trip was such a great experience. Towards the end of it, I spent time with my wife, daughter and grandson and just thought about how amazing my life is right now. My wife said that I walked around with a smile on my face during the entire trip. I am just grateful to be where I am in my life and to have such amazing people surrounding me.
It is crazy to me how these little mushrooms can help you see the beauty in life and help to put things into perspective. Over the last six month or so of doing these mushroom trips, I have really gotten a deep sense of respect and reverence for these substances. They really do offer sacred experiences and can help humanity in so many ways.
Overall, this trip was an amazing experience that I will cherish. To me, mushrooms can really help you find out the answers you are seeking. I may not have spoken to a god figure like I wanted, but I did feel what god was and that gave me closure. I will definitely be doing more trips like this in the future to speak with god or spiritual guides. This entire experience showed me that God is within me and was there with me the entire time. I am no longer giving that power to a being outside of myself. I control my own destiny and I have so much power to change my reality.