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This week's prompt is strikingly similar to my current romantic situation, so why not?
You know, I once saw a video somewhere that said, "When you finally find that perfect love, guess what gets thrown into the recipe? Long-distance relationship." And yes, that is scarily true. But first, let me start from the beginning.
I met my boyfriend during NYSC (National Youth Service Corps), where I was sent to serve my country. At first, I was deployed to Sokoto, a place that's 905 km from home. I did travel there for the mandatory 3-week camp training. However, when given the choice, I chose to relocate. Now, here's where things get interesting.
You see, I wanted to relocate back to my home state, specifically to Ondo town, where I'd attended university. I told myself it was because I had a thriving business and didn’t want to lose customers. I told myself it was because I needed to stay close to school so I could start my Master's as soon as possible. But if I'm being honest? A part of me also wanted to stay connected with my toxic ex, who was friends with me at the time.
We'd long been broken up but stayed in touch. And as with every exes, we refused to accept the sanity that distance, boundaries, and proper goodbyes give. Things were, well, complicated.
For one, I've always and will always be the girl that listens and surrenders to the universe’s guidance. So when my dad extended an offer for me to come serve where he lives in Jos, Plateau State, I took it. Partly because of my love for adventure, but more because I could feel a strong nudge that the universe wanted me to go in that direction.
Before and even after I got to Jos, my ex and I were still cool, with a sort of “silent” agreement that we’d get back together after he "worked on himself" like he claimed. What I wasn’t prepared for were the episodic revelations of lies and betrayal. So I did what I should’ve done from the beginning, said a complete goodbye, and cut him off.
At the time, I was hurting, but also, because it was long overdue, deep down there was this feeling of, “Finally. Good riddance.” It felt like the toxicity had left, and I could finally breathe. And maybe that’s why, although I felt longing for what could have been, I wasn’t actually heartbroken.
Now to the part of the story that tells tales of the present: when my boyfriend and I met, we were both serving at the same organization. He’s this cool, gentle guy that both full-time staff and fellow corps members loved, while I was the social butterfly, constantly smiling and bringing light wherever I go (that’s what he says about me 😉).
Fast forward a few months, I could tell he liked me. A girl always knows. But I’m a girl, lol, unless he came to me, I wasn’t going to lead anything. Fast forward to three weeks before I had to leave Jos, I texted him this emoji: 🚶♀️
Then he replied and… oh well, conversations happened, one visit happened, and he asked me to be his girlfriend in the cutest way I’d ever seen. lol. Who asks a girl out with a box of a complete jewelry set? (The man knows my weakness.)
We hung out as often as we could, and then, the day before I was to leave, he suddenly showed up at my house with a bouquet of flowers, plastic ones, because he wouldn’t be able to give me fresh flowers weekly, so I should have this and always know how much he loves me. (Yes, I melted.)
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Now, we’re months in and there are 689 kilometers between us, yet we’ve spoken every single day. And not just the casual morning-and-night convos, no, like constantly chatting all through the day. We’re both very busy people, but somehow, replying to each other’s texts is never a chore.
If this were ages ago, this relationship wouldn’t have been possible. Like, no way. But this is the digital age. And while WhatsApp helps us stay connected, it still doesn’t compare to waking up next to the person every day. But for now, we appreciate what we have. And here are some of the things we do to make it work and keep it spicy:
- We Ask Questions, A LOT. Since we don’t have the luxury of actually spending time together physically, we discover things through question games, picking numbers, and asking questions assigned to them.
Thing is, I know what I don’t want, and I’m very discerning. Sometimes when I ask questions, I use his answers to weigh our values, differences, and similarities. Truth is, people can hide things, but if you listen closely and read between the lines, you’ll always know. No, I’m not paranoid, lol. I’m just being careful. Love and commitment are big deals. I’ve got to be sure I’m doing it with the right person. So far? All I can say is, I’m blessed.
So yeah, priority number one is communication. Every form of it. Even conflict resolution is communication.
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For example, at the beginning of our relationship, I thought it was important for us to settle any arguments before going to bed. And while there are some arguments you don't allow to take root and develop into resentment, I, however, realized that I’m naturally confrontational (not violently lol), and he’s not. He doesn’t like to talk about things for too long; he just lets go. So the best method for us was for me to revisit conversations at a calmer time, so I can speak my mind without sounding argumentative. I wouldn’t have known this if we hadn’t communicated.
Also, communication isn’t just about talking. It’s about listening. You can hear so many feelings and intentions in someone’s words, if you would just listen. And aside from playing detective, listening is a love language.
- Random Emails, now this is a cheesily cute one.
My love language is words of affirmation, okay? I love those old-school romances where people write letters to each other. (I blame it on fantasy novels.) Since we can’t post letters or send birds, we send random emails, at the most unexpected times, lol. It’s always so heartwarming.
And these emails aren’t random pick-up lines or ChatGPT-generated love notes lol, they’re our real thoughts, deep and heartfelt, in the moment we decide to write them. Imagine working, your head’s banging from stress, and you open your inbox with the intention of perhaps checking new mails, only to see the sweetest note from your man? Yeah, I love it.
- Date Nights, and not gonna lie, we’ve only done this once.
As much as we talk every day, late-night activities can be draining because we’re usually too tired from work. But he found these online tour things you can do with your partner. The last one we did, we connected via Google Meet and took a virtual museum tour.
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Honestly, I have no idea where that museum is, lol, I was just happy to do it with him. I got dressed, did my hair like a proper date night (minus the dress), and he… well, he’s not as dramatic as me lol. We’re planning another one soon. Let’s hope I get him to dress up this time 😂
- Random Pictures. This isn’t a strict rule in our relationship, but when we see something cute or interesting, or we just look good, even when we look funny, we send pictures.
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He sends me pictures and videos anytime it rains because the first rain of the year happened on the first day of our relationship. I send him pics of myself, my food, a cute butterfly I saw on the road. It's such a beautiful way to stay connected.
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Now, that being said, here are a few more things we’re looking to incorporate: A shared playlist. An online multiplayer game
All of this might sound silly, cheesy, or unrealistic to someone somewhere. But when you find your person, not even distance can fade the sound of your silly laughter.
LDR isn’t the easiest, lol, definitely not. And yeah, there’s the fear of not truly knowing who you’re with. Because at the end of the day, actions speak louder than words. But (and this might sound silly), when you know, you just know. And to the not-so-silly part: you can never go wrong with asking questions. Even the uncomfortable ones.
When the LD ends, sure, it might take some adjusting, but it’ll all be worth it. And oh, the emails? They’re definitely not stopping, even when the distance does. Gotta keep them in a folder for the kids, so they’ll know how much Daddy loves Mummy, and vice versa. Ha ha.
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