Quiet moments in your life could either be pleasantly peaceful or utterly uncomfortable. Same thing goes when you have a coffee in hand. I usually take mine iced to match the racing thoughts running in my head or when I want that familiar rush coursing through my veins. The warm or even scalding ones are for moments when I need some clarity and want to take things slow.
Life lately has been a mess and I am pondering things way more than I'd like. As I type my thoughts away while I'm taking my time with this hot cup of coffee, Mark Manson's The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F-ck plays in the background. Maybe I have been giving too much of my F's for so long that it hasn't really been sustainable. Not that it's bad to care at all - I just might be doing it a little too much that I lost myself in the process.
Ever since the first quarter of this year passed, getting parts of me back has been of high priority. I want to thrive. I want to shake things up. I cannot emphasize the hunger I have for better things in life and the communities I belong to. The problem is... I don't even know why am I even doing all this. Are they for me? Are they for a greater cause? This endless string of questions has been throwing me in a loop, causing me to not act on things that I actually like. Sip after sip of strong, black coffee, the realization finally seeps in - I'm repressing so much in favor of other things and maybe, that's why I'm stuck where I am.
I find myself staring at my cup and into the darkness of my beverage. Was I ever this unsure about life? Being a city girl, I know for sure that life is fast around these parts. You have to keep up with trends and sometimes you feel compelled to flaunt yourself on social media. You're on your toes for the next getaway, the next fancy stop, the next big thing. Heck, even your career life has to circle around exponential growth. When were things this demanding? So many options and exciting paths, so little darn time.
At this point, the effects of caffeine and my frustration are making me shake my knee. Where am I supposed to channel this out? Geez, it's happening. I'm in my own Feedback Loop from Hell again.
Is that voice from my head or from the void which is my drink? Either way, the question is valid. Why do I care? At the end of the day, we're nothing but a speck in this vast unknown and whatever movement we make is miniscule.
But a ripple can turn into a wave—
Again, who gives a hoot? Why ponder so much?
Ah. It still goes back to the conclusion that it's another F that should be redirected somewhere else. Submitting to the thought is a tough pill to swallow so I finished the remaining contents of my cup, paused the audio, and went to grab another coffee. A second serving shouldn't hurt, right?
Once I returned to my chair, unpaused, and read along... Yet another passage slaps me:
The question, then is, What do we give a fuck about? What are we choosing to give a fuck about? And how can we not give a fuck about what ultimately does not matter?
My eyebrows furrow in confusion. The book makes sense and yet I'd still want to counter what I just read. Why was my quiet moment shaken up like this?
Perhaps, it's what I need. And maybe, it's something you need too.
Didn't anticipate there was something more bitter than this cup of joe.
This failed attempt at joining @cinnccf's Coffee Contest was rather fun as I'm chasing after the deadline and fussing about tonight's internet connection. If you still took your time reading until this point, thanks for hanging out.
Catch you whenever.
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Arc likes to play games on and off the blockchain when she's not lurking around Hive/Wax.
Personal and creative dumps are all over arcgspy.
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