Sometimes I feel that I live in a box and that I don't like that box, it's not mine either, I worry that tomorrow I won't be able to pay the rent or if they will raise the price unexpectedly. I would like to move to another space and another environment, but I often feel that circumstances do not favor me.
I sigh, I complain, I worry and I can't find a way out.
I work from home, but lately I have not had much work and therefore little income. The discouragement prevents me many times to go for a walk and at least clear my mind and connect with nature, which I love and I know it does me good but I do not do it as often as before, I confess many times that laziness wins me, it is a vicious circle.
Yesterday I didn't think much about it, because if I do it I'm back in that circle I'm trying to get out of. I brewed some coffee and for the first time I used a thermal glass that has been with me for about 7 years, I have moved 2 times in that time and I have wanted to have that cup with me, although I had never given it any use.
I walked to the subway station and went to a special place for me where I can connect with nature for a while, sit on the grass and lean on the trees, a practice that I did a lot during the time I was sick and that helped me to cope with the physical discomfort and anxiety that had been triggered.
I was very satisfied when I arrived at the place. I leaned against a tree that is very special to me and tried to focus on the moment. I tried not to worry about the future and not to regret the past. I took slow, deep breaths for more relaxation and to keep my focus on the present moment.
It seemed to be a perfect moment, but.... When I went to take a sip of coffee, it was lukewarm, almost cold.... Noooo, I didn't see that coming....
I like it hot, very hot.
Calm down, calm down, I said to myself, that's not going to spoil the moment. I have a couple of friends who let their coffee cool down and enjoy it, of course I don't have to have the same tastes, but.... What if I give it a try? Besides, the coffee wasn't that cold, just lukewarm.
Some sips were better than expected, of course I would have preferred it hot, but it was what I had at that moment. There was no coffee shop nearby, besides I wanted to be there for at least an hour, there was no room for whims, even if it was coffee.
I enjoyed the moment as it happened, it was not as I imagined it, because of the lukewarm coffee, but it was good, it was the first time I could be lying on a tree and drinking coffee, maybe for many it will be silly, but for me it is something I can't always do, so it was a special moment.
I kept thinking for a while that lately I have been very anxious and worried and have forgotten to be thankful for everything I have or everything that helps sustain me in life.
I am convinced that a real feeling of gratitude, in addition to giving us more of what we are honoring, also immediately comforts our spirits and can even make us see miracles in things that previously went unnoticed before us.
I wrote this a while ago in this post.
I haven't changed my mind, I've just felt disconnected these past few weeks.
This walk to visit the tree, with the lukewarm coffee accompanying me, has helped me to remember to value what I have in my life, even if not everything is exactly as I would like it to be. Accepting the things I can't change at any given moment, calmly and with focus, knowing that as long as there is life, there is opportunity to achieve our dreams and see them flourish.
I definitely have to move to a place where I can have a garden and drink hot coffee next to the trees and plants, it's something inspiring for me, or just relaxing, but, while that happens, I have to occupy myself, with faith, but without pressure and, of course, be grateful that at this moment I have a place I can call home, although I won't be here forever and that's an undeniable fact.
As for the thermal tumbler, I'm going to give it away. If I've only used it once in such a long time and I really don't plan to use it anymore, why hang on to it?
And so I will begin to lighten my current home of so many other things I don't use, to move lightly to a new place in due time.
So many things came from a walk with a lukewarm coffee.
Now, at this moment, it is raining and I am thankful to have a home where I can take shelter and make myself a cup of coffee, very hot, as I like it.
I will continue to visit the trees, but before each outing I will be sure to have coffee first, for now.