It was a normal day like any other, I woke up in the early morning and started dragging myself out of bed. Eyes half closed, hair all messy, with a semi-grumpy face as usual.
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Having memorized where my kitchen is and all the stuff in it, the task of getting there and brewing my first cup of coffee in the morning was set on autopilot. Luckily this required no brain power, I didn't have any.
Being not so much of a morning person is mostly a curable issue. As long as nothing stands between me and that first cup of coffee, everything would usually go smoothly with minimal casualties, if any. Be it a door, a shelf, or even the fridge.
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Once my coffee was ready, I sat on my balcony where I usually pretend that I'm sitting in nature while exercising my morning coffee routine.
Having the aroma filling up my nostrils already, and taking that first sip, I grabbed my phone and started checking my messages like I always do.
One of the messages from a friend who works at a chemistry lab instantly attracted my attention, as it was in reply to my complaint about how long my morning routine usually takes me before I can function normally, and how inefficient that felt but yet futile.
"You should try this new snortable coffee my dude, I'll come by today and drop you some. It solved many of my problems. You'll love it!"
I thought he was joking at first but I certainly liked the idea... Until he did actually show up and passed me a small bag of the goodies. Which got me totally surprised even though was still in doubt.
When laziness hit hard later in the afternoon, I needed to fuel up with more coffee to help me carry on with my daily chores. Naturally, I decided to try out that snortable coffee instead, lest it be at least as good as drinkable coffee.
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"Heck, what could possibly go wrong!" I said to myself as I unpacked it and started forming the lines. I rolled up a dollar bill I had in my pocket as a straw, like any amateur snorter would, and snorted that fuzzy black line! π
Strong coffee smell filled up my nose, with a much stronger coffee taste running down the back of my throat. A sudden rush jolted through my body as I instantly started getting caffeinated!
I quickly snorted the other line in disbelief, only to intensify my wakefulness!
Ever since that day, I switched to this snortable coffee stuff this buddy of mine kept supplying me with. Until one day I asked him how did he manage to make it highly water soluble like that, and hence snortable. He gave me some hints without revealing his secret, which of course I respected. But soon after, I started doing my studies on it and finally managed to figure out how he did it. And ever since, I started to purify and make my own from normal coffee grounds!
The addiction was already real, and this snortable coffee stuff I was making kept getting better and better. Until one day I decided to take it even a step further!
I needed coffee into my bloodstream, like literally!!!
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Having my small home lab in the kitchen, I went with further purifications and processes over the snortable coffee. The Caffeine Citrate was the easy part, but keeping all that extra natural coffee juice was troublesome. Nonetheless, if there's a will there's a way, and will, I had!
Shooting up chemicals into people's bodies can be dangerous, possibly illegal when done to someone else's, unless you are the government. So, as most scientists would do, I needed a test subject for this intravenous coffee shot I started making.
As rats are disgusting, and I make sure not to keep any around, I had to improvise.
Lab-Cat to the rescue!
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I quickly grabbed this useless lazy cat I had laying around, and started to administer a small dosage into her vein.
She totally woke up super hyper and kitting! (for a while)
As you can see in this photo, Cat became completely functional and doing goofy catty stuff as any well caffeinated cat normally would.
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That went on perfectly fine without any side-effects for a good while, until it didn't. As the test subject was no longer viable for further testing, due to completely unrelated and natural circumstances. π
Anyways, I marked that experiment as a purrfect success! And nowadays, coffee injections are my favorite thing.
Super-efficient, highly effective and no time wasted. Nothing better than having as much coffee as needed into one's bloodstream whenever, wherever... Heat it up with some water, fill it up, and pump it in! Voila!
People have always joked around and wished they could shoot up IV coffee injections π and here I am, making a living by turning that dream into a reality.
My life has changed tremendously, arguably for the better. All thanks to coffee, and an undeniable touch of madness which I couldn't have made it without.
No kittens or beans were harmed during the experiments or the making of this post.
I do not condemn nor condone any of the acts represented or implied above.
You should not try to attempt any of it!
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