Maybe it's my specific context that made me realize that the usual biblical text used by many evangelical churches to celebrate Mother's Day is inaccurate. I am referring to Proverbs 31, verses 10 to 31.
After attending a public worship, I stayed for a few minutes in my seat to write a few insights in my record book after listening to the message I heard this morning.
The Crisis of Modern Marriage
Marriage these days is under attack. Watching videos on TikTok, I see men who claim that men in the West are now withdrawing from marriage and the dating scene. The reason given is that men no longer see any value in long-term relationships. They see women in general as toxic. Women, they say, view marriage like a business transaction in which cashing out is a certainty after a few years of enduring the relationship.
These men identify the widespread influence of feminism as the primary cause for such toxicity. They claim that such ideology has been deeply embedded in the Western mindset for decades. These men decided to break the silence by fighting back to reclaim their masculinity.
Others who still think that marriage works are searching for partners elsewhere. Southeast Asian women are the most likely candidates due to economic disparity and the perceived notion that these women embody traditional values, such as femininity, family orientation, and loyalty. However, reality is more complex, for even in Southeast Asia, women are increasingly becoming more independent and career-focused and not necessarily seeking foreign husbands for economic gain.
I would like to leave the thorny issue of searching for partners in Southeast Asia and return to the popular idea that, for most women these days, especially for feminists, marriage is degrading for women, and they see it as an oppressive social structure. For them, marriage reinforces gender inequality, treats women as property, confines them to domestic responsibilities such as homemaking and child-rearing, and limits their economic freedom. The more radical feminists even argue that marriage benefits men by failing to pay their wives for housework and child-rearing.
Misreading Proverbs 31
In celebrating today's Mother's Day and informed by that chapter from Proverbs, I anticipate that many will find this question difficult to answer:
Can a woman be a good mother without first becoming a good wife?
In today's celebration of Mother's Day, we tend to give mothers either lip service or idealize them.
Proverbs 31:10-31 is more appropriate to celebrate as a Wife's Day, not a Mother's Day. However, we don't have such a day of celebration in our calendar.
Reading the 22 verses of the chapter, the repeated reference is to a wife, not to a mother. I wonder why we miss the most obvious message of the passage.
A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.
Being a wife is more basic to a woman's nature than being a mother. What has been described by the mother of King Lemuel pertains to a wife and not to a mother. To be fair, yes, there is one specific verse in the entire 22 verses that identifies the role of a woman as a mother, and you can read that in verse 28:
Her children arise and call her blessed.
After that short reference, Solomon returned to the role of a woman as wife:
her husband also, and he praises her.
Given that the passage speaks about a wife of noble character, how does the Bible describe such a wife?
Contrary to the popular idea these days, becoming a wife is priceless.
Of course, not all wives can be described as priceless; only those with noble character. Unfortunately, noble as an adjective to describe a woman or a wife seems strange in our time. The most appropriate description of a wife these days is one of a domineering person who wants to overpower her husband using diverse means such as emotional blackmail, sexual bargaining, and verbal abuse.
Here's how AI describes a noble woman:
In Proverbs 31:10, 'noble' (in Hebrew, 'hayil') refers to a woman of strength, capability, and valor, implying she possesses high moral character and is of great value, even more so than precious stones. She is not just a delicate or weak woman, but rather a strong, capable, and courageous individual.
Such a wife is of great value. She is more valuable than precious stones like rubies.
If such a wife is rare, I am now thinking of the King's mother's question about finding such a woman. Can a man find such a wife? Or does such a wife exist as an ideal?
In this age of infidelity, finding a wife you can trust is a rare jewel.
Her husband has full confidence in her. . . She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
I remember one time talking to a man comparing a man's search for another woman besides his wife to looking for the butt of a glass. He thinks that a man is a fool looking for another woman besides his wife if he has already found a diamond in the person of his wife.
Yes, finding a wife you can trust is like finding a diamond. If you have such a wife, why look for lesser stones? However, if the diamond you thought you found cannot be trusted, such a diamond is not real.
Not only is nobility rare these days, but finding a woman you can trust seems impossible in our time.
Last night, I watched a YouTube video about Stoicism. The video creator shared that there are three betrayals in a relationship that must not be forgiven: disloyalty, deception, and broken trust. Forgiving these betrayals seems noble, but in reality, they are equivalent to self-betrayals.
Reflecting on that video, I see a discrepancy between Stoicism and Christianity. If the message of the video is really true to Stoicism, then the one who broke your trust will never have a second chance to regain your trust. He or she will be out of your life forever.
In Christianity, grace is everything. We see this in the married life of Hosea and Gomer and also in the relationship of Yahweh and Israel. Both Gomer and Israel were guilty of repeated and hardened betrayals. Hosea accepted his wife just as Yahweh accepted Israel.
In this age of transactional marriage, finding an economical wife is a treasure.
This is the impression I got reading the entire passage. Beginning with verse 13 up to verse 27, a wife of noble character is described in terms of her economic activity. She is very productive and industrious. She's in the clothing and textile business. She is compared to merchant ships. She's into real estate and farming. She's also involved in trading and the ministry of mercy to the poor.
Compare such a woman to modern women these days, and you will see that despite our boast of the achievements of modernity, we have fallen too deep to be able to recover biblical femininity.
In this age of widespread immorality, a wife of noble character is a blessing.
Is it true that women in general crave attention, and they want to be seen? Is it also true that they hate losing their identity in marriage? It seems to me that women these days look for validation elsewhere instead of their family's affirmation. In the case of this woman of noble character, the praise of her children and her husband is more than enough consolation to make her happy and satisfied.
That wife is blessed to have such a supportive husband and children. But many wives these days are taken for granted and ignored by their families. If this is true, is this enough reason to break the trust and search for comfort and happiness elsewhere?
The praise and affirmation that this woman receives from her family far outweigh the praises of the many women who do noble deeds.
Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.
And not only that, this wife is of great value, for her focus is not on external beauty and charm that are fading, but on her inner character, which is the unfading beauty of women who fear the Lord. Such beauty is more valuable in the sight of God. Any man who finds such a wife is blessed indeed beyond measure!
In short, in a world that often misunderstands both marriage and womanhood, Proverbs 31 reminds us that a wife of noble character is not only rare but immeasurably valuable—a true gift from God.