There came a time in my life when I felt overwhelmed by the expectations that others put on me. I used to feel in a constant stress of meeting those expectations to avoid any conflicts and be not a source of hurtfulness to others
The existence of constant watchful eyes, often judgmental, on my actions and speech drove me into a state where I lived in doubts most of the time, unable to decide what I should or should not say or do. It shattered my confidence, leaving me paralyzed by fear and uncertainty.
There were several things in my surroundings that were beyond my control. I wanted to change them but there was no way out. I felt like I was trapped into a scenario that was deteriorating my personality gradually, fading my inner strength and peace.
The focus on the things out of my control and a constant struggle to appease others led me to helplessness and hopelessness, affecting my overall wellbeing. Not only my emotional and psychological health was affected but the distress led me to physical ailments and discomforts too.
Then there began a vicious cycle between the shattered emotional state and the efforts to appease others. It lead to the development of self-pity in me, which I have realized is one of the most detrimental emotion not only making us to focus on the obstacles but also enforcing the existing ones and creating the newer ones. Consequently, I suffered from a neurotic break down and was diagnosed with clinical depression.
Thankfully, the things are not the same now. It took quite a while to recover from the illnesses and to heal the scars on my personality left by the persistent sense of lost control and fear of escalating conflicts.
I learnt my lessons and developed the code that helped me navigate the further and the existing challenges in my life.
The first thing that I learnt was to focus on what is controllable instead of what is uncontrollable. We cannot control other people’s behaviour but we can control how we react to them. There was no way I could make them change their attitudes, so I simply ignored them. Ignoring the insignificant judgements and demands of others facilitated the revival of peace in my life.
Another realization I had was that striving to make others happy by fulfilling their expectations is a bottomless void. No matter how much we put efforts to please others, it is impossible to make them happy all the time. People find faults with us despite our optimum efforts to live according to their desires. Even with the purest intentions, we may still be accused of causing hurt.
I understood that each of us is only responsible for our own actions and intentions. We have no control over others’ perceptions and feelings. Keeping this in mind I developed a code ”to not be intentionally harmful to anyone, however, not be worried about their perceptions”. This code became a guide, helping me make decisions aligned with my values instead of others' expectations.
This code keeps my focus on acting with integrity and compassion, while allowing me to step away from the exhausting cycle of constantly seeking approval or fearing judgment. It’s a reminder to trust that as long as my intentions are genuine, others’ reactions are not my burden to bear.
Thus the codes of shifting the focus from uncontrollable to controllable, and from people’s reactions to my own actions promoted my well-being and brought me peace and tranquillity.
This post is my participation for Hl-Featured contest edition 2, week 137
Image is generated by me using Meta Al