Being a middle man can be a difficult place to be sometimes. Some people willingly place themselves there even when it does not really concern them. And there are those who have no choice because they are smack in the middle of everything and have to be the mediator. Either way, when it comes to fights and quarrels, it actually requires a lot for the middle man to calm everyone and speak words of wisdom so that everyone will find a way to get back on good terms. Or at the very least, so that those involved do not quarrel or fight again. It is impossible for us not to be a mediator at one time or the other. We all are social animals, we thrive more when we are surrounded by people. And whether we like it or not, those around us will have issues at one time or the other and we would find ourselves in positions where we have to make everything calm down and ease the tension. When we find ourselves in such situations, how we handle them determines the kind of person that we are. After all, being a mediator can sometimes be an on-the-spot reaction. We would not have the time to think about it or even consider it. We would just see it happening and we would have to diffuse the situation there and then. Because we know how easily quarrels can lead to fights and that can escalate into even more grievous things like injury and even death. This is why being a mediator can be very important. I grew up in one of the rough areas of Lagos, and as I have mentioned before, I attended a government school. Then you should know that things like fights were commonplace, that was where I learned never to stick my nose in fights that donāt concern me. And even if it does concern me, I will think three times about it before I consider interfering. Back then, it was easy to see people fighting and a crowd will gather around cheering them on. No one will make a move to separate any of them. But they were usually watchful, the moment someone looked like he was winning, they would then separate them. So that things didnāt get out of hand. If someone even tried to separate the fighters before a winner was certain, that person could earn himself a beating from the crowd. Who doesnāt like a good fight? Some people will always enjoy watching fights as long they are not the ones involved. Anyway, these days, the country is just too hard. No one has time to fight anymore. You have to eat and be satisfied before you can have the strength to fight, and most people no longer have that strength. By the time you work your butt off and get your measly pay at the end of the month, with the bills that are all but drowning you, someone can slap you and you will give them the other cheek just so that they will be on their way. You just donāt have the strength for trouble. Iāve seen people get black eyes just because they are trying to separate fights, but I have not seen what will make me jump in between two people who are fighting. Please, I donāt have the strength. I am very lazy. Let others do that. I will rather stay on the sidelines and be shouting for you all to stop. But then, there are times when it hits close to home and you canāt help but interfere. It can be with family and it can be with friends. Then you know that it would be a great disservice if you just pretend you donāt know. When I read about this topic, only one event came to my mind. I have been a lot of things for a lot of people, Iāve been a confidant, an advisor, a sounding boardā¦ but Iāve never really been a mediator seeing as when it comes to quarrels and all, I just try not to get involved. I prefer to leave those in question to sort themselves out. But there was one time I just could not look the other way. And this was way back when I was a fresher in my school. I got close to a girl. We kind of hit it off from the first day and we got close to the point where she was always telling me her secrets. She makes liquid soap on the side to support her schooling because while her eldest brother sponsors her education she wanted to lighten the burden on him. Well, one time after our second semester exam she realized she had made too much soap and she would have to sell it off before she could travel home for the holidays. She was hoping to fund her transport herself. But then, with many of the students gone, her clientele was really weak. So it took her a long time to sell them off. One day, we were together when a call came in. It was a call from one of her brothers, asking her why she was still in school. Without waiting for a reply, he began to fire accusatory words at her. Did she think because she was now in school she could do anyhow she liked? What was she still doing when the school had closed? Was she there because of a boy? He ended the call on an order that she should get herself home immediately. Now, note that this brother was not her eldest. But he was also older than her and he was living with the eldest and they were all in the same state as us. But they wanted her to travel to their home in Delta State. My friend was seeing red. She was so mad and furious. Like, how dare he talk to her like that? Was she staying back because she wanted to? And even if she chose to stay back, was that the way he was supposed to say it? What was that he was saying about a boy? Omoā¦ it was as if I was the one that had called and shouted at her. She was pouring out all her anger on me, complaining about how her brother was always trying to control her life and her friends. After all, she was not a kid and she could make her own decisions. The next thing I knew, she was already getting ready to go to her brotherās house. She was ready to give him an earful. All through this time, I didnāt say anything. I just listened on while she ranted, nothing I said at that time would have made any sense to her. I could see that she was angry, and she was going to pour it out on her elder brother. And I was certain it was going to be worse than the one she had poured on me. That had only been the tip of the iceberg. I escorted her out of the lodge, and down the street. She was still ranting, talking about how she was going to make him see reason. It wasnāt until we got to the bus stop that I took her aside and spoke to her. I had to caution her and tell her that while her brother had gone about it the wrong way, she had to remember that he was doing it from a place of care and concern. I am also an elder brother, and I know how concerned I can be when it comes to my sister. So, I encouraged her to let go of her anger when she was dealing with her brother. She should let her grievances be known without escalating the situation that was already volatile. I even encouraged her to trek some distance so she would walk off the remaining anger. After that, I let her go. It wasnāt until sometime later that night that she called me from her brotherās house. They had settled it, and they had done it amicably. She had been able to tell her brother that she was no longer a baby that needed to be taken care of and needed to be ordered around. She was her own woman now and she was capable of making decisions that concerned her. Well, while her brother didnāt apologize for what he had done, he gave his word that he will try to be not-so-controlling. And that was enough for her. And he kept his word. She thanked me profusely that night, that if I had not said those words to her, she would probably have said something that would ruin her relationship with her brother forever. And after that day, such a thing never happened. The truth is, when there is a fight or a quarrel, everyone involved thinks they are in the right while the other is in the wrong. In the bid to prove this, the conflict ensues. Many times, there is no right or wrong to conflicts, the reasons might be noble but the methods are not. If such situations are not handled properly, they are likely to escalate and become even worse. That is why a mediator is very important. They will be the neutral voice that will make everyone see reason. They will settle everything without taking sides, being fair in a way that everyone will see clearly and be satisfied with. That is the best way to settle conflicts. Whew! This has to be my longest post so far! I guess I have to stop here, if I go on, this could go on till tomorrow. So, my dear friends, what do you think about this? Have you also had to serve as a mediator before? What do you think about how I handled my case? Do you have any tips for me? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section below, I would love to know what you are thinking. Thank you for reading. Till we meet in the next post. This post is inspired by the first topic of this week which is Middle Man. Feel free to take part in it. Borderimage credit: @deimage.
Karolina Grabowska
RODNAE Productions
Keira Burton
Cottonbro
Alex Green
Time Miroshnichenko
Š”ŠµŃŠ³ŠµŠ¹ ŠŠµŠ»Š¾Š²
Fauexels
Roman Odintsov