My mental health is not something I take lightly at all. Once I come across something that I see is placing unnecessary stress on me, I cut it off at once. Often I’ll try my best to get rid of whatever is causing the stress, or at the very least, I’ll reduce the stress itself so that it would be even a little bit manageable. But once it starts proving too stubborn, I run for my life.
Not taking care of your mental health is a perfect recipe to begin a downward spiral. If you’re not careful, despite every other thing that is going right in your life, you’ll find yourself messing it up. Things will be going wrong and you won’t even be able to pinpoint the cause. You’ll find yourself getting into issues at work, always quarreling with your significant other, and no longer taking your spiritual life seriously. Everything seems to be happening at the same time and it’s becoming too much for you. But you’ll have no idea that the root cause can be something as basic as having a toxic best friend.
When it comes to me, I have no qualms about cutting people out of my life. Like, it’s so easy, and many times the people don’t even know that I don’t even hold them in that regard because I may not tell them. If I feel telling you that I’m done being your friend will stress me, then I won’t even tell you. I’ll allow you to continue deluding yourself. Life truly isn’t hard.
When it comes to mental health, I’ve suffered quite a lot, especially within this past year. With the way things have been in this country, trying to see myself through school while also keeping a job where I had to be active almost every single day, has never been easy. It got to a point where it became too much for me. The first semester of my final year, I really had it tough.
I was working so hard, both at work and in school. I didn’t dare miss a deadline and I didn’t dare miss out on any assignments. I went to all my lectures, and whenever lecturers set tests, I was always one of the first people to turn up. Many times, I even had to get some work done in the class, if I could do it on my phone, I could do it while the lecture was going on. This was a major hassle because I always had to hide so I wasn’t caught by the lecturer.
It was so bad that I started regretting and hating everything. I began to wonder why I was even back to school. After all, I was capable of making money, I didn’t need the damn certificate. I was mad at myself for choosing to be my own breadwinner. Because if I relied on allowances from my parents I wouldn’t have to work so hard and have so many damn needs. I had these thoughts in my head, all the while schooling and working. It was a total mess because I kept pushing through it all regardless.
I basically burnt myself out and by the time the exams were over, I happily entered the holiday. I knew that if I spent ample time doing something different for a change, I’d get better. However, the two weeks we were given weren’t enough for me to fully recuperate for what I knew would be the last and final semester which I was also sure would be tough as nails. So, when school resumed, for the first time since I started this school in ND1, I purposely missed school. I extended my holiday by over a month.
I just stayed home, doing what? Nothing ooo! I didn’t even do much work. Apart from my Hive duties, I didn’t really work with clients during that period. I simply slept, ate, watched movies, read books, and slept back. During that period, I binge-watched a number of series, even rewatching some old series.
Honestly, my plan wasn’t to spend more than a week extra at home. It all just kind of happened. When the holiday was over, I simply told myself that I would resume the next week. When that week came, I still didn’t have the strength, I pushed it from Monday to Tuesday, and it went that way until the week ran out and I swore to go the next week. So it went, week after week. The next thing I knew, a month was gone and I was still at home.
However, time went by and I still had to come out with good results so all the stress won’t end up in vain. So, I returned to school. I started taking lectures and I also started working, but this time I had to cut down on the work I was taking because I didn’t want to handle more than I could. This decision helped me a lot especially when I was working on my project and the subsequent defense. If I had used the same attitude I employed in the First semester, I probably would have bashed my own head against the wall.
Well, it’s all done now. Since I graduated, I’ve not even stepped foot in the school. I’m meant to go over there so I can start my clearance processes, but for now, even going close to the main gate gives me PTSD and I’m not strong enough for that just yet. For now, I’m just enjoying my life as a non-student. Taking it easy and now doing as much work as I can.
I know that there will be many people who experienced similar things as well. You know what is causing you the stress but you can’t simply cut it out because of the meaning it holds for you. Well, I was able to make mine work by putting some things on hold. I had to put some aspects of my job on hold while I focused on finishing school. Once I was done, I returned like I never left. It worked like a charm for me. So, no matter what, you should always be able to walk away from whatever is causing you stress. Even if it’s for a short while. You need to be able to get some fresh air and think some new thoughts. That’s the only way you can remain sane.
The world is trying its best to drive us crazy, let’s not help it achieve that goal. Our mental health matters a lot. The sooner we take it seriously, the better for all of us.
