It is quite ironic when you think of it, a child has no say in which family he/she gets born into, it is something that occurs without a child's approval. Just like every other child, I was into a family of 6, my parents and 4 children. As I grew older I began to know more about my family branches in both my paternal and maternal family. Apart from that all I have known all my life is my little family circle, we barely relate with our relatives, I guess my dad and mom wanted the kind of family free from the influence of their relatives, apart from during the holidays when few of our relatives show up to celebrate with us, throughout the rest of the year it is just us.
It was never odd at any point in time because I and the rest of my siblings we all attended boarding school away from home, we only come home during the holidays. Apart from our last born who happens to be the only girl in the family, she is the only one that escapes the boarding school tradition in the family. I guess with the whole boarding school act we never felt the need to seek out a distant uncle or auntie because we never had any reason to mingle with any one of them. To an extent we are still in contact with my maternal part of the family and that is thanks to my late maternal grandmother who made it possible.
She only gave birth to three daughters which my mom happens to be the second born, she held unto all her daughters and ensured each of her daughter's family remain in contact with each other no matter where they are. Out of the determination of my late grandmother to keep are family together that is what birthed the tradition we uphold today. During this time of the year every grandchild of my late maternal grandmother gather in our house in Lagos to celebrate the holidays. You might wonder why our house seems to be the location for the gathering, it was not as if it was chosen.
Well my maternal grandmother lived with my mom the most compared to the rest of her daughters, I don't really know why but the only reason I can think of is that are house is also located in Lagos somewhere called EPE and our place in ikorodu happens to be the closest place to her home town. Which made it a lot easier for her to keep tabs on whatever is happening at her house and in her farm. Secondly she felt more at home because my dad was also a lover farming related activities which happens to be my late maternal grandmother niche. Since my dad left some plot of lands for the sake of farming and raring of livestock, even when my late grandmother got too old to keep traveling back and forth from her hometown to our place, she never really missed her hometown that much because everything she was used to doing is also available at our place.
The family holiday gathering kept happening at our place since she was staying with us in Lagos and it kept happening until my maternal grandmother passed. Even after she passed the venue was never moved and it kept happening at our place till today, the gathering is also a way of honouring her memory. Thanks to her my little family circle was able to get bigger, I was able to get in touch with my maternal cousins, overtime my dad allowed few of his close relatives to join in the party but they were very few compared to my maternal side of the family.
So if I were to describe my family based on size, well I would say I have a small family and it is perfect that way. Probably if I was born into very large family I might have a different perspective but a person such as me that enjoys his own company my kind of family just feels perfect for my kind of personality. The reason is very simple, I'm a product of a nuclear family which grants my parents the privilege of having time to focus on the needs of their children without being distracted by the indecisiveness of any family members. When there are too many captains trying to navigate a ship, it is bound to sink but in the case of my family, my parents have total of whatever occurs within the family. We don't allow outsiders get involved in any of our family related issues, we always find ways to resolve it ourselves.
My family might look like an extended family during the holidays but it is just us after the whole party is over. Even if I had a say in which family I should be born into, I will always choose my kind of family because of our closed circle it has prevented me from experiencing any kind of unfair treatment from our relatives especially from my paternal family. There are a lot of things to be admired from my family, is it the way we make decisions collectively, every member of the family opinion matters. If I ever find myself wishing to build a family of my own in the future, I will definitely prefer building a family like the one I was born into, a small perfect family circle.
This write-up was inspired by weekly featured content titled "A kind of circle" in hive learners community.
Cover image - 𝖣𝖾𝗌𝗂𝗀𝗇𝖾𝖽 𝗎𝗌𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖼𝖺𝗇𝗏𝖺
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