A child is born into the world empty, lacking any form of social skills and knowledge to navigate the world. Depending solely on the directives of his/her parents for guidance and protection to stay out of harm's way. Slowly and steadfast, the child grows in knowledge and wisdom he/she pass through the agents of socialisation. Formulation of attitude and personality can be traced back to the socialisation process or genetically engineering, the most amazing thing is that along the line a child is prone to pick up some habits either positive or negative, though it might not be constant because some habits gets left behind and renewed by another as maturity sets in. While some habits are constant, such habits a child only gets better at doing it.
It is the primary duty of a parent to mod a child into someone who is considered to be responsible and an acceptable in the society, a duty that is solely dependent on the ability of a parent to discharge their duties. Irrespective of a parents short comings, every parent will definitely have a Standard or outlined principle that guides the way their child is trained which could be as a product or extract from religious doctrines, cultural heritage or individual perspective.
In as much as parenthood is learnt from experience, the ability of parents to impact needful knowledge on their child varies. Out of the little well of knowledge in the possession of each parent, they expect their children to bath in it and appear in an image that conforms with their perspective of what a child should be like. As Much as a parent desires it to be so, it doesn't always turn out to be. As a child grows learning about themselves and their environment, they become more aware about their capabilities.
In this modern age, we now have all kinds of forms of family and parenting that never existed before now, in order not divert into sensitive and controversial subject I would just make it simple. The most common form of family in my neighbourhood is known as single parenting or should I say "baby mama". I'm not trying to make this about women, just trying to state the obvious. Though there are some women and men who become single parents due to some issue that occurred in their marriage and they have no choice but to singlehandedly raise their children themselves e.g divorce and death of spouse.
Apart from this there are also people who intentionally want to be single parents based on their opinionated perspective of the kind of family they desire. I'm not in the position to judge anyone, we all have the right to do as we please but then we should also carefully evaluate the lives of our children that we are shaping with our modern perspective about marriages. The traditional form of marriage that I grew up to know is a form that consists of a father and mother both having roles to play in order to ensure all necessary provisions are available.
For those who are parents understand how tasking the job is, even with both parents available it still remains a difficult task. Now thinking of an absent parent, I mean there are children who were raised by a single parents and they turn out to be alright and those that were raised by both parents but their turn out wasn't that good. The facts remains for most children being raised by a single parents, either mother or father there is always something missing in them that signifies that a particular form of authority was missing in their lives while they were growing up. It might not be physical but something psychological.
There is something most parents don't know, no amount of parenting is too much for a child and children tends to have different kinds of composure. Some children are strong-willed that no amount of pressure due to a missing parents will break them but there are some who will feel the need of a father or mother at any stage of their lives. For instance, the ability of a child to express their thoughts to their parents always differs and In most cases it depends on which parents they feel is in the best position to understand or relate to how they feel at the moment.
For example, for a female child who is experiencing all form of changes in her body due to puberty might feel the need to lean towards her mother compared to her father and it is the same for boys too. It doesn't always occur like this because there are children that bounds with a specific parents than the other regardless of their gender but then in the normal sense a mother should understand her duaghter more while a father should understand his son more because they have both experience the exact same thing the children might be experiencing when they were at their age.
The unavailability of any of the parent that a child might feel the need to lean towards at a point of need the child will have no choice to either depend on the one that is available or seek for companionship outside the comfort of their home which doesn't always turn out well. The implications of this is quite complex which might differ depending on a child.
- For a female child without a mother might feel the need to consult with female friends since she believes there are things about herself that her father might not understand, leaning on her friends might to lead to them exposing are to things that are not good for her and she might be too naive or young to tell the difference but if it is an absent father, most girl child without a father tends to grow up with an unhealthy mentality about men or lack of a strong authority in their lives.
- For a male child without a father is mostly chaotic because most male children tends to be very unyielding at a specific age in the aim of achieving self dominance. It is at this stage that they gradually transform into teenagers and without someone with a strong authority like a father, such rebellious attitude might be too overwhelming for their mother to handle. Those kind of children mostly end up in gangs or some place worse. And if it is an absent mother, this I would say "No child should be without a mother" because a mother and child bond regardless of the gender is beyond the discovery of science. In most cases most male children without a mother tends to lack motherly warmth that comes with growing up with a mother which might translate to inability to understand or express their emotions.
This write-up was inspired by weekly featured content titled "A parent absent" in hive learners community.
Cover image - 𝖣𝖾𝗌𝗂𝗀𝗇𝖾𝖽 𝗎𝗌𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖼𝖺𝗇𝗏𝖺
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