I was thinking about the dynamics of family some time ago and find it quite impressive knowing that the majority of humans spend their lives being part of a family. Once, we were children being guided and taken care of by our parents, and we also grew into making our families at one point in time. It's an endless cycle for many because we see it as a responsibility or obligation, while there are those who don't see the need to keep the cycle going for reasons best known to them, which I respect.
From ancient times, family has been regarded as a fundamental component of human development, and that tells how important family is to the growth of every individual. We all were raised in a family, whether by both parents or a single parent, and their impact on our lives is immeasurable.
Additionally, I strongly believe that we are a product of our parents. Our experience with them shaped us into the adults we become, and sometimes, it's the other way around. While some people grew in love, care, and happiness radiating within the family, being part of a family was a challenge to some humans, and yet, the future turned out differently.
The nuclear family structure, consisting of a family, mother, and their child/children, has been marked as a standard for raising successful children into adulthood in the world today. Many of us believe that except when both parents are present to perform their duties, a child's upbringing is incomplete. To an extent, that can be true because there are so many benefits to parents working together to raise a child, but that doesn't completely determine a child's future.
Just yesterday, I read a Bimbo Ademoye interview where she mentioned her dad singlehandedly raising her. He supported her in the absence of her mother, and today, she's a great actress in the Nigerian movie industry. She didn't deny missing motherly love, but she became used to not having her around, and moreover, her father filled the space.
On the other hand, I believe a few of us are familiar with Mohbad's story. His mother left at a young age, and he has to struggle a lot under his father's watch. He went through a lot to be great but lost his life along the line.
A lot of people believe his mother's absence was one of the things that cut short his existence, and I want to believe the same thing because of the circumstances around his death. While Bimbo Ademoye's life seems beautiful without her mother, Mohbad expressed how much his mother's absence affected him in a track titled "Sorry," when things started going sour for him and all of these beats down to the unpredictable nature of life.
If we are being honest, nobody came to the world with a life manual, and we are just doing things as we think they should be. What I actually don't understand is if fate or destiny is responsible for what the future holds for every individual, but I am certain that the unpredictable nature of life plays a huge role in what kids grow to become regardless of who raised them.
Sometimes, having both parents matters, while in some situations, one of the parents is enough to get the job done. We must also understand that beyond the love and care at home, there are so many factors beyond parenting that influence a child's future, and a parent can only hope for the best while playing their role diligently.
Using myself as a case study, I was raised by my mother, and during my teenage years, people said it to my face that children raised by a single parent, especially mothers, end up terribly in life. They will lack discipline because of the father's absence, but surprisingly, here I am today with my siblings doing pretty well in life, while those who said those things back then couldn't raise their children properly in the end despite being a complete family and doing the needful.
A few of them eventually praise my mom today, and she's fond of saying it's not by her might or understanding that she singlehandedly raised four boys, even though she tried her best.
The argument that two parents are always better than one is quite complicated, and supporting single parenting, even though it has worked for people, shouldn't be encouraged. Life and unexpected circumstances put some people on that path; they really don't have a choice, so condemning single parenting also makes no sense.
The coming generations are learning from us, and the things we do feel normal to them. Many of them won't see the need to stay in their marriage after a slight disagreement just because they were raised by a single parent. "I don't need a man or woman in my life" has become an anthem today, which shouldn't be so, but we can't blame those kids because they are living by examples.
I concluded a long time ago that raising a child can be really challenging, and regardless of what we believe, it's important for parents to combine efforts in their children's upbringing. Just because my mom did it singlehandedly as a mother doesn't mean it would work for me singlehandedly as a father.
It's very important that we are properly prepared before going into childbearing as a family to avoid a breakup that would end up with one of the parents raising the child. It would be wrong to deprive a child of fatherly or motherly love because we don't know what the future looks like.
All Image Are Mine.