It is important to consider the children when planning a divorce. It is equally important to consider the health of the spouse who is seeking the divorce including the mental, physical and social wellbeing.
I am not a fan of divorce but I also know that there's no point staying in a marriage that is not healthy and threatens the life of wellbeing of one or both spouses.
Many times we have heard news of domestic violence which was endured till it resulted in the death of the partner or cheating that resulted in a violent response which lead to death or serious injuries.
It would be better if such situations are avoided by seeking for a divorce or separation early enough.
The children would understand as they grow and they would adapt with time.
It's better to have both parents alive but separated than to live with the thought that one parent died because they didn't want you to live with the trauma of divorce.
Sometimes marriage witnesses a change in behaviours and attitudes of one or both couples so much so that continuing in that marriage becomes more and more dangerous to not just the mental health but often even the life and physical wellbeing of both spouses.
They say marriage is not a bed of roses but then I say it should equally not be a bed of thorns.
If it becomes a bed of thorns, then it's a sign that continuing with such union could lead to a regret filled ending.
It's important that if the child(ren) is upto an age where he can understand, efforts should be made to explain to him or her. Chances are that the child would have observed some of these dangers himself and would likely understand the divorce even though this understanding may come with sadness but the understanding would likely be enough to keep the child going especially when the trauma or stigma begins to rear it's ugly head.
If the child is yet to attain that age where they can understand such things, it's best to reach a resolution that still offers the parent access to the child to avoid being brainwashed by one parent who makes the other look like the evil one when that may be false.
Frequently seeing the child, attending birthdays and school events would still give the idea that you are present so that when the time comes for him to understand the event fully, he would understand why you left and appreciate the fact that even though you couldn't continue with the marriage, you made effort to continue with the parenting despite the limitations.
There's a high chance that the child would understand this.
All images are mine