August 12, 2022
Get a little confusion about the title? When does struggle become one's strength? And love as a weakness? In fact, love gives us strength, inspires, and motivates us to continue our life, and struggles make us vulnerable and weak.
I came across a post by @idksamad78699 about one of the topics in the Hive Learners community contest and his story reminded me of how I became vulnerable because of love.
"Weakness and Strengths"
Indeed, it is proven that love can give us strength, but it can make the strongest person weak. It can make us do foolish things and even break the rules and barriers.
Way back in the third year of college, I met my first true love. We were young back then but I know it was real love, not just a fling or lame infatuation. Because of this love, I became so selfish, and later on, obsessed with the feelings. Probably because he gave me the love I never felt from my father. Prior to meeting him, I told myself not to ever fall in love with anyone else, and that I can live without a man in my life. Yet, when he arrived and captured my heart, it seemed like I ate those words, and my world seem to only revolve around him.
Having a father with an iron fist made me break rules for the sake of love. The main study rule "no love while studying" has been broken and I didn't care about the consequences anymore. I just want to love, that's all. And I was truly happy when I was with him.
My love for him became my weakness and I even did foolish things that I never thought I can do. I lied even to my mom and kept our relationship secret until the very last day of our relationship. He's my weakness to the point that I couldn't reject all his wants and I almost gave everything to him. Because I thought and felt that, in the end, secrets and hardships will have a great reward, and we both will walk in the aisle to tie a knot. I became too naive and foolish because of love.
Image from Unsplash by DESIGNECOLOGIST
He became my strength, my inspiration. Yet, he became my weakness, to the point that I can't live each day without seeing him. That I can't feel any strength within me anymore without him. I became foolish that all my love was given to him and didn't leave a small piece for myself. I felt like I disrespected myself for being too weak and forgetting to love myself because of him, because of love.
Until the day came that all bright colors turned dull and my love has fallen. My heart broke and shattered into pieces. Putting them back was too tough for me as I couldn't seem to move on from the past. I seemed to be stuck in the mud and I couldn't take a single small step. As if I was just waiting for the lightning to strike upon me so I will wake up and get back to my senses.
Apart from it, all struggles seemed to fall in my way and I was overwhelmed by their sudden arrival. I struggled mentally and emotionally because of losing the love that I thought I will have for a lifetime. I felt like the world won't be brighter again as all I saw were dark clouds hovering above me. They were heavy to bear which made me weak physically as well. I got no desire to continue my life, I just want to go back in time, to our happy moments.
More struggles came that made me feel like, I just want to leave this world as its getting too much and unfair, and struggles became heavier to withstand. That time was different as it involved my family, my parent to be certain. A secret and illegal affair was discovered that my father was keeping in his sleeves. It wasn't only me who felt hopeless and broken, but my mom as well.
Image from Unsplash by Kiwihug
I felt like the whole world shattered, not just my love. I felt like our home was broken, not just my heart. There wasn't any peace when I want to find some. All corners were chaotic. I couldn't find tranquility at all. I just wanted to end everything. No love, no home, there was no other reason to live.
I was about to reach the end of the cliff to forget everything. But as I look back to where I stumbled, the people I love crossed my mind. The dreams I carved in my mind were brought up. The meaning of life was questioned. For whom do I live in this world? What's my purpose? Why make dreams when I can't make them happen? And who are they who gave me the pain, to ruin my entire life?
Image mine, edited on Canva
As I went back home, I saw my mom, with tears falling on her face, and my family with sadness painted on their faces. Our home was dark and seemed incomplete. There was no head of it.
And that's when a strength formed inside me and I thought I was too selfish not to mind the people I really loved just because someone broke my heart. I seemed to forget that my family needed me too when our father seemed lost with another woman. I was blinded by hatred and sadness. I almost didn't see the people of my dreams and my purpose.
Being in love was my weakness, but my love for my mother and family became my strength along with the struggles that I wanted to conquer for the sake of my real loved ones. To give light to our home again, I strengthen my mind and body and pulled more courage to withstand the struggles in my way. To stand strong for my family. I tried to heal the wound, although it formed scars. I tried to forget the sins that caused my pain, but not the sinners. Mustering all the strength I had, I moved on and stepped forward into the light, leaving the dark scars in the past, and I learned to love myself again which I once forgot.
With the help of Him above, the broken heart healed over time, and our father learned to pasture himself way back home from being lost in the wild. Our once shattered house became a home and there was a whole family inside it again. And that's how I turned my weakness into strength, for the sake of my family and my dreams.
And those struggles and painful past experiences made me into who I am today. And the lessons of the past that I brought to the present are what light my way, so I won't get lost in the dark again. I may be vulnerable at times, but my strengths remain strengthened to give assurance that I could stand up in case I fall again.
