If you have ever gotten your hopes dashed by the people you love, you will understand why I rebelled at the end of the day. Though not justifiable, it was how my teenage self could handle the situation. I'm not one to get angry, but this event was the first time in my life I could remember getting angry, like in my whole life… my mother was shocked to her bones. She testified afterward that indeed she hadn't seen me angry since she gave birth to me. My actions that day sent shockwaves to everyone in the family, the well-known good and quiet boy, who had finally let loose. But trust African parents, who are never wrong, once you retaliate for the wrong of an elder, you've become wrong yourself and thus the elder no longer owes you any apology.
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The case was similar for me, I ended up apologizing and making amends. I had thought carefully about my actions though, which produced the expected results I hoped to get. I knew I would apologize at the end of the day, I mean it's how it's always meant to be with African parents, but my goal was to ensure I was heard and my decisions respected. After that incident, my mum began to apologize whenever she knew she was wrong because the major reason for my flaring up in anger was due to several unresolved decisions my parents made that affected me and I was left to lick my wounds and be alright. Although the trigger this time was a girl, I wanted to be free for a bit (in the very wrong way) but the thought of needing freedom came from reoccurring past experiences.
The short story is this: I was in boarding school, and it was time to come home, but because this particular girl's attention was healing the emotional wounds I had at home, I decided I wanted to stay for the free summer lessons against my parents' wishes. Before then, my mum would often control every aspect of my life, the friends I made, the activities I did in school, the places I go, and even the decisions I made because I always tell her. But then again, she had stopped me from a lot of activities for fear of me mingling with the wrong set of people and getting corrupted. Unknowingly to her, these are things that every teenager goes through and as parents, it's always best to let them go through it trusting that you've prepared them for it. Guiding them is always better than controlling them.
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This was the lesson I wanted to pass. I realized my mum was asking me to come home again, withdrawing me from my peers which also affected me academically as the things they learned in summer lessons gave them more advantage in the next term. The thing was my parents always wanted me to come top of my class, they believed I was capable and intelligent enough to do that, yet they prevented me from associating with extracurricular activities which other students always used to beat me to the top of the class. A few times I emerged top of my class with a very narrow lead, but most times I'm always among the top 5. I was always in pain because I knew If I learned the things my mates learned in these extracurricular activities, I would always have an edge. But my parents never saw it that way.
I became president of the Jet Club association in my school and was elected president at the zonal level the same week in my SS2. My mum called the school and told them to elect someone else and ensured that I never attended any of my jet club meetings. Understanding her point of view was one thing, but then again, I saw the amazing things jetters come up with each year. It had always been my Intention to meet challenging minds to go to competitions and never even cared about winning or losing, I just wanted to participate. My parents however thought otherwise, they wouldn't even give me a listening ear, this had been my life all through school. My teachers and mates saw me as a natural leader, and appointed and elected me to every position there was, but my parents (my mother especially) were always in the way.
The jet club experience made me cry for weeks. I would go to class and my teachers would exempt me from participating in jet club experiments because it was an instruction from my mother, then these experiments would come up in exams, and I end up doing nothing except the few things I saw my friends do. This made me lose interest in physics which affected me immensely, especially during my WAEC, NECO, and JAMB. So when I started my A-level, I decided to be free at all costs which made me do everything my parents stopped me from doing. I saw they had limited me from maximizing opportunities in secondary school, and I wanted it to stop.
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I went wild for a bit, started clubbing and drinking and I guess my mum noticed that I was avoiding her. I stopped telling her things that were going on in my life. That was when she asked me to come home from school instead of attending summer lessons. But I bluntly refused and told her I was staying back. I remember vividly saying No to my mother's instruction over the phone, I had never done it in my life, and my answer sent shockwaves to me, and every member of my family. The next thing Nigerian parents would do is to raise their voices to order you to do their bidding, but I raised my voice back. This was when we went back and forth for a while, and when It came to a point I poured out my heart like water.
My message was clear, I wanted my parents to know they were demanding too much from me yet limiting my exposure to knowledge. I was tired of seeing the disappointment on my dad's face each time I didn't come out top of my class and I wanted him to know it was his fault. Well, I passed the message clearly, and they got it. But then again, I'm a good boy 😂 I've always been a good boy, and because of that, I couldn't live with myself knowing my actions had hurt my parents deeply. So even though they allowed me to stay, I went home by myself to face the repercussions of my actions. Well, it turned out the repercussions were more than I anticipated. It was then I saw my mum's reason for telling me to come home was because there was an issue in the family, my dad was constantly hitting her, and she knew he wouldn't do it if I was around because he never wanted me to see him that way.
She couldn't tell me over the phone, so it was only necessary that I came home. Turned out I was right, but wrong at the same time. It was a bad time to be right and it taught us all lessons that have helped us grow as a family. My parents began to listen more to me, and I changed my ways. I learned if I truly wanted to be justified in my actions, then I should find a way to be more expressive. It was hard to master my expressive voice because I get hurt more easily than I get angry. And each time I do, I will seek to heal on my own. It took a while to realize it's quicker to heal when you let people know how their actions affected you but I learned with time, and we are better now.
THIS IS MY RESPONSE TO HIVE LEARNER'S PROMPT FOR WEEK 96 EPISODE 2
