I am the kind of person that hardly interferes in other people's affairs. If we are friends, I create boundaries between you and I on some issues. One of those issues that I rarely interfere with is anything that has to do with misunderstanding between couples.
If someone, maybe because of our closeness, comes to report his wife or husband to me, I carefully select my words when advising such a person. Even if the partner that he or she is reporting is guilty, I don't address the issue by apportioning blame straightaway. The reason I do this is that if one doesn't exercise caution in interfering in a couple's matters, you may become their mutual enemy when they reconcile.
I held this principle of non-interference for a long time.
Unfortunately, I met a man that made me act out of my character.
I met Abdul through a mutual friend when I arrived in Abuja. He was older than me but humble. Our friendship grew so fast that within months, we started visiting each other. I was a bachelor at that time while Abdul was married with three kids. His wife was very respectful and each time I visited the house, she would always want to entertain me to the extent of considering giving me a package to take home. She would join her husband to tease me to go and marry[I. I would laugh and tell them that my wedding invitation card would take them by surprise.
One thing that I noticed since the first day that I visited the house was that Abdul didn't respect his wife. She talked to him as if she was his house girl. If he insults the lady atimes, she would become cold and quiet. I hated that habit.
I assumed that he was doing that in order to prove to me that he was in control of his wife. However, the more he talked down to the woman, the more his personality reduced to me. I was feeling uncomfortable about the issue but I tried not to intervene. Whenever I felt extremely uncomfortable with what was happening, I would hasten up and leave before my initial planned time.
After some months, the issue degenerated to physical assaults.
There was a day that his first son ran to call me to go and separate his parents. On reaching there, I met the lady crying. She was beaten blue black by the husband. I tried to talk to the husband to see reasons why physical assault shouldn't be an option under any circumstances but he refused to agree with what I was saying. He wanted me to blame the wife totally if I must intervene. When I realized that he wasn't ready to listen to me, I left his house.
I began to withdraw myself from the friendship. The issue was not what I can cope with at all. After a few months, our relationship became that of saying hi to each other whenever we met in the street.
The worst happened on a fateful day. It was around 11 pm when I heard of someone crying by my window. I was far asleep. The knock on my window woke me up. I stood up and went to the window to ascertain the person that was knocking and I realized that it was Abdul's wife.
She had been beaten by her husband and sent away from the house. I followed her back to the house so that I could plead with the husband to allow her sleep at home. The weather was cold that period and some pockets of insecurity too.
Instead of appreciating my role, Abdul, on sighting his wife and I, asked me what was the relationship between his wife and I. I was infuriated with the statement. He vowed that the woman would sleep outside. When I couldn't come up with any other idea about what to do, I headed straight to the police station. I forced myself to play a role that I never wanted to play between a couple.
The fact that a life was being endangered made me to involve the police.
Abdul was arrested and locked up that night. The wife and the kids slept in the house till the following day.
By the time the case was being settled, the police lectured the wife on her right as a wife. Abdul was made to sign a pact that he would never beat his wife again. The woman was told to come and report if she was ever assaulted again.
Till I left Abuja, Abdul didn't set his hands on his wife again. Of course, the role I played severed our friendship but I didn't regret it.
The monster of a husband in him made me intervene in that manner to save a life.