Well, it just so happens that I met her again, and on a rainy day at that. I saw her outside that same shop we last talked and fought. Her hair was wet, and her cloth drenched. I just wanted to branch by the shop, buy what I want, while acting as if I didn't see her standing there....but then I couldn't. I was still trying to figure out what to say when I heard, “Hi,” she said it in a very quiet voice that suggested she wasn’t sure I’d answer her.
I took my time before responding, memories came rushing back.... memories of the fight, the odd words, and the hurt, all came rushing. I had told myself I forgave her, but deep inside of me, I still hurt. Forgiving ain't easy, it pained me, yet I said it was fine.
“Hello” I replied.
We stood there for minutes, in silence. We were both waiting for the rain to reduce. For about 20minute, neither of us said anything. Long last, she spoke..
“I’m sorry for what I did, it won't make sense to start giving excuses, I was wrong, please find it in your heart to forgive me and allow me make things right.”
I was looking at her as she spoke, she said it in a very sincere way/tone, she was remorseful. It was obvious her apology was a sincere one. And even though the hurt was still there, I felt a little loosened.
“I forgive you." I said and this time, with all sincerity too, even though I could still remember everything she had done.
The truth is, I did forgive her, but I couldn’t forget. The memory of what transpired between us was still vivid, it was like a scar. Even if it heals, it remains there. Forgiving didn't erase the memory, but it gave me peace.
*“You can still remember… right?” she asked.
I shook my head, smiled and said, "I remember, but I won't allow it control me anymore.”
We stood there, silent until the rain took its time to subside. By the time we left, I felt lighter. Not because I forgot, but because I forgave.
And that’s my own thought on forgiving and forgetting. Both are different, and they don't really need to work hand in hand. Forgiveness is a choice we make so we can stop carrying anger and pain. Forgetting is kind of hard, if at all possible, because our minds keep record what we've seen, experienced and lived.
Even if/when the memory remains, forgive. It is enough to keep you going. Forgetting isn't a necessity/requirement. If you keep holding on to the pain and anger, you ain't punishing whoever it is that hurts you, rather you are punishing yourself. Forgive, it brings about peace.
So, yes, it is possible to forgive without forgetting. Like in my experience.....it frees you and allow you move on.
All pictures are mine.
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