There was a time I argued with my elder sister about some money she borrowed and should I say she forgot to return it, well, I felt betrayed, I was somehow angry and I raised my voice at her, every insult I have kept locked inside of me got out, I uttered out every harsh word I could, I just wanted to show her what she did was wrong.
It got to a stage that she kept quiet and looked at me, she was surprised, I calm at that moment too, the eye I saw was that of the one wondering if I wasn't the one she taught how to put in my shirt, use my tie, put on her back to school and all, the eyes made me remember that hand that do keep me warm wipe my tears when my mum is busy cooking or doing something else.
All those memories came by and then I softened my tone, spoke slowly and asked her why she hadn’t told me sooner that she's yet to have the money to repay me, she said she's ashamed and didn’t want to seem irresponsible. With that response, I realized winning the argument wouldn’t be of any benefit to either of us, so I chose empathy over victory, and we solved it by making a plan for her to repay me when she had some money, she shouldn't necessarily pay all at once.
There are times that settling an argument means fighting back until you’re heard, also, therw are times that to settle an argument, you would need to just be calm, step back and really listen. Reason being that, atimes it looks like pride or disrespect if not handled well with understanding. So, when my chest tightens and my voice begins to shake, I know its a signal, its time to really think and decide if the issue is really worth arguing over or my oeace matters most.
I have been with strangers on queues and in crowded bus and when someone push me or steps on me and refuses to apologize, I only say...excuse me please, I say it in such a way that you know what you did and you are forced to just apologize, I refuse to back down on my dignity but I refuse also to let ego make me a bully.
Its always different with loved ones, reason being that we would have shared a lot of things together, and whatever off words or off acts we do then during arguments do carry more weight. I keep quiet a lot, I know how to just keepy calm, that doesn't mean I’ve not been guilty of unleashing words I could never unsay, and lived with the regret for days, replaying the fight in my head.
I personally learn early how words can be heavy and disastrous. I had a fight with my best friend in higher institution then about whose turn it was to pay for the food and drinks, it was a simple yet tough argument which turned into silence for weeks, until I swallowed my pride and sent a simple...I miss you message. She replied with certain laughing emojis and an apology text.
Sometimes the bravest thing is to take time out to examine the argument well and check if winning it will fill the void you’re actually feeling. To settle argument, you don't just act anyhow, you have to take your time to really think well. You have to choose empathy over ego, and when you must, you choose being firm over being afraid, other times when you feel unsure, you choose to just be silent no matter what.
Also, know when you actually need to fight back, and when your value and dignity is on the line, just walk away. Learn to fill your heart with certain good memories just to caution yourself so as not to over react, at the end love and respect are the real stuffs worth defending.