Surrogacy, I don't know if to say it sounds more simpler than it is actually, a woman carrying a child for another person or couple. Simple right, but in reality, it is layered with emotions, ethics, and culture. We have a lot of people doing it here in Nigeria, but a lot of people also frown against it, some says family is everything, some say lineage is important, while some says they just want to experience what pregnancy feels like themselves. Someone like me who loves to question a lot of things, mere seeing these topic and thinking on it, a lot of "what if" has come through my mind....what if the child never really feels like yours....what if the surrogate mother refuses to let go...what if society frowns upon it.....what if you regret not carrying your child yourself....what if the family are against it. Those questions kept on coming, now, does it mean that surrogacy is wrong.
Personally, I have always believed one of the greatest gift from one human to the other to be the experience of the joy of a family. A woman who has experienced delay in conceiving, who has tried all she could over and over again but there's still nothing to show for it, just imagine such a womans desperation, her sadness, heartbreaks and all, not to talk of the different prayers and that's if she's not even over thinking. While in such a situation, then an opportunity pops out and she finds someone who could help carry the child. What should we call that, selfless love, being humane or what, I know that a lot of people do it for the money, but also it takes much more than money to do that I believe.
I have never thought of involving in surrogacy, at the moment, it is a difficult question for me to answer. Sometimes last month I was discussing with a woman in my neighborhood, she took me as her area/street son, we often discuss various things, that particular day, she told me about how she has once gone somewhere and found out it was a lecture for those who wants to consider being a surrogate mother, she discussed what she saw, the benefits that are there and a while lot of things, though she opted out that she wasn't interested. That opened my eyes that so people really do this, she even mentioned someone who was a surrogate mother that she saw, the surrogate mother was on her way to be flown abroad to deliver as the people involved do not want their child to be given birth to here. Wow, it sounds amazing, but asides the benefit, is there something more....
I watched a film some weeks ago, I am actually regretting not concentrating on it now. The woman hasn't given birth and something happened that got her hospitalized, her husband loves her so much and when she went into coma not sure if she would be out if it, the husband did something of such...she finds a surrogate mother, the lady was still a student in school and because of some financial problems, she agreed...well on the long run, the woman came out of coma and never accepted the child.
Personally, if I was a woman, I doubt if I will agree to be a surrogate mother. Pregnancy is not an easy thing, also the bond that forms between a mother and the child she carries is something beyond explanation. I have seen women rub their bellies absentmindedly, whispering sweet things to the tiny life growing inside them. What should they do when they think of those sleepless nights, those endless cravings, those kicks, the cravings, the experience and all. Letting go after all of that won't be easy, and I doubt if my emotions can handle that. If I found myself in such situation as well, and the only chance is having a child through surrogacy, I think I would consider it. I haven't experienced it, but maybe, just maybe th desire for a child can make people do things they never imagined. And there are times that those things we say we cannot do are our only options.
About ethics....if a woman willingly chooses to be a surrogate and shes fully aware of what she is getting/going into, then I see no harm. But if a woman is forced or manipulated due to poverty, desperation and all, then I think that is an issue. Here in Nigeria, there is economic hardship, a lot of people, especially students are going through things, some has seen surrogacy has a business rather than a noble act, and that is where it goes awry. We shouldn't encourage exploitation of women. We must ensure that surrogacy remains a choice, not a necessity one borne out of suffering.
I don't think surrogacy should be abandoned in favor of traditional childbearing methods. If traditional methods worked for everyone, there would be no need for alternatives. The truth as I have not just heard but have seen also is that no one everyone has the privilege of conceiving naturally, there are women who have medical conditions, some have certain complications, some have lost their wombs due to circumstances. So should these kind of women be denied the chance to have children simply because society favors one method over another. That won't be fair. Family is family, it isn't just biology that forms parent, love do to.
Husband and a wife aren't from the same parent, love heloed them to bond.
Everyone will have their opinion about surrogacy. But, I believe that what truly matters is the intention behind it. If it is done with love, respect, and a full understanding of the responsibilities involved, then why not.... Life is complicated enough, so if we have a chance to bring happiness into someone else’s life, well aware of what's involved, we should just do it.