The first time I had a clash with my mom, I was about 8 years old. Back then, conductor suits were one of the trending styles out there. However, I hated that style of cloth with passion. Unfortunately for me, about a quarter of my clothes were conductor suits. So, regular clashes were inevitable.
Last week, I experienced the same scenario as a parent. My little boy prefers to wear sneakers over covered shoes. And each time his mom brings out one of his covered shoes for him to wear, it's always a civil war between them until I interfere. The little boy would get very unhappy and shed tears if he is forced to wear covered shoes. He reminds me a lot of myself when I was about his age.
The fact remains that we all are in this life and we can only enjoy it by charting our path and allowing our loved ones to tow their chosen path too. Yes, there will be hairy situations but it can be navigated with love and understanding.
About a decade and half ago one of my relatives moved in to stay with us. Her father, a Muslim, allowed her to relocate since it was the daughters wish. The girl was about 8 years old then and had already been taught the Muslim way.
On getting to our place she had to learn the Christian way. She was still way too young to be deeply invested in a religion. In no time, she learnt the Christian way and as she grew into a teenager she joined the church choir. By the time she clocked 18, not only was she a full blooded Christian, she already swapped her Muslim name - which used to be her first name - with her middle name.
One day she was in a pensive mood when I approached her. She already told me she was going to visit her parents for the weekend but she was no longer keen. When I asked her the reasons for the change of heart, her answer was heartbreaking. She confessed that she no longer feels welcomed in her parents home anymore because she doesn't share their religious belief.
Her father had grown in his chosen religion that it was now a blemish on his credibility that he has a child who doesn't share his faith. That caused some friction between them and she no longer felt happy enough to visit her parents. Though they found a way to meet in the middle, it was never really the same between them.
On several occasions I've imagined myself in the father's shoes to try to understand what he was going through. I'm pretty sure some people would've used the fact that his child doesn't practice his faith to attack his person. They would've used it as a point to try and put him down especially if he's in a contest with a dubious person.
The truth is, children will always grow to choose their path. Understanding that they are now adults and have full right to their decisions is very important, though accepting may be difficult at first try.
If I have a child who veered from the path I laid his or her feet upon, I'll sit with him or her to listen to the reason for veering from the laid down path. If it is genuine enough I'll accept that the child has chosen his/her path. If the reason doesn't add up, all I can do is try and make him or her see reasons.
Some parents lost their children forever simply because they wouldn't accept that their children already grew up and chose a different path for themselves. I'd rather maintain a close relationship with my kids despite the difference of belief than to lose them while trying to force my choice upon them. Life has taught me better than that.
