At my age of 34 I feel so sad that my mother beats me for something i didn't bring upon yourself
She feels like I am the cause of the misfortune that has befallen the family. As if been born with a life threatening disorder is not enough she is constantly nagging about how useless I am and have kept draining the family finances through the numerous hospitalization and blood transfusions. I took her word for it and truly felt useless since I could barely do any hard labour without falling sick again, truly we did spend huge sum in the hospital since I was always short of blood and have to purchase pints of blood that is getting more expensive by the day. Everyone got tired of me and I was equally tired and gave up on myself.
Several nights the family have sleepy hungry because of me, my dad's salary must have been spent on hospitalization again.
Several occasions I had attempted suicide but it seems like my systems got used to the multiple dosses of tramadol I took it had no effect on me. Then I decided to try it this one last time.
While I was receiving blood in the hospital I had pushed the lines and cause my own blood to flow out from my body. Hid my hands under the bed allowing the blood to soak into the bed, I wanted to drain out my own blood which I was already short of, let the rest come out so that I can die peacefully. I didn't get away with the plan, it seems like this kind doctor kept his eyes on him and came to check on the lines about 5mins to the time I engaged in that acts. Instead of scolding me, he spoke kindly to me and treated me with special care and attention until I got well.
The next day he paid me a surprise visit in my home and we spoke at length in my bedroom, He told me about his own condition and fate had it that we are suffering from thesame health challenge but he was on a better side and had full support of his parents to even become a medical doctor and at the peak of his career.
"Stella you have my full support to reach to the peak of your career in life, don't give up on yourself"
Having this one shoulder to lean on was more than enough for me. All the self worthlessness and hopelessness was gone, I received free health care and learnt how to take care of myself to avoid getting sick every now and then and even though it was with a snail speed I had with my life's gaols much have been achieved already.
To everyone who is suffering from depression and haven't found the right shoulder to lean on, or those ears that will never judge you, I am here to repeat this same words to you.
Don't give up on yourself
You are your biggest fan
Celebrating your tiny wins
And keep hope alive.
Design on Canva
I believe that this is one basic Subject that should be taught to people early in life. For obvious reasons alot of people are suffering without knowing the right words to name their condition. If not because I became an elite I would never have understood that the term for the gloominess, low spirit, hopelessness and lack of interest in life was termed depression.
Exposure to prolonged negative circumstances can lead to depression and a state where we loss total interest in life and the things around us. The saddest thing about this sickness of the mind is that it is a silent killer and pushes one to feel so worthless until the point where we wish to end it all. Several people have struggled with this and even taking their lives in the process leaving behind flimsy excuses in the notes they leave behind. Depression doesn't get hold on people over night it takes a whole lot of time dwelling on negative thoughts, word spoken to us, or bad occurrence and situations we cannot handle alone .
Alot of people fear to speak up because of judgements from other people but many thanks to counsellors now and rehabs that helps us go through a proper healing sessions.
I feel great now
I have crossed many hurdles
And have supported alot of friends even in my weak state
My weakness doesn't define me
I listen to edifying talk/shows/songs that can build me
Shutting my ears from derogatory statements. Good company of quality people added up to my life from that one encounter with a good man.
If I came out strong
You can do this to
Besides this is just a tip of the story.
Thanks for reading