What core values or qualities do you seek in a friend?
If I had been asked this question 10 years ago, I would have listed a thousand and one qualities that individuals must have before they could qualify to become my friends. I used "must" because it was compulsory for them to possess those qualities if they wanted to be my friend. When I was in basic six, I vividly remember standing in front of the class and listing the qualities of a good friend when asked by the class teacher. I would shout at the top of my voice, then do the opposite the next minute... *you can't blame me, though, I was just 10.
Growing up, I have come to realize that things don't work that way. If I had stuck to the thousand and one qualities to look out for when choosing friends, I would be as lonely as a cloud. Nobody's perfect; people have their flaws and make mistakes, myself included. If I were to stick to finding the perfect friend, then I, too, would have to become little Miss Perfect, who doesn't make mistakes or offend people, which is impossible.
Since people have different personality traits and make mistakes, that doesn't mean I should choose just anyone as my close friend. I still have certain qualities I look for when choosing my close friends, but the difference now is that I don't expect them to be perfect or always dance to my tunes like robots being controlled.
When choosing friends, I look for people who have the same values as me. Having friends with similar values and common interest makes it easier to be friends and connect very well.
On the other hand, choosing friends who do not share your values is like mixing oil and water, no matter how you try they just don't blend. Friends with different values might want to do things you are uncomfortable with or against your principles, which may lead to quarrels and sometimes fight.
What's the point of having close friends if you can't freely engage in activities together? And when you try to share your opinion on how things can be done, they might think you're judging them. I rather go with the flow than try to force vibes.
Another important quality I consider when choosing friends is the ability to communicate and resolve differences. Communication is key to a healthy relationship. Close friends should be able to talk about everything and anything without holding back. My close friends are people I feel free to talk to about anything, at anytime.
it is never an easy task forcing someone you consider a close friend to talk, I mean why should i do so in the first place? imagine having to beg a close friend to talk you, especially when there is an issue between the both of you. I am someone that is not good at hiding my feelings, if i am offended, i voice it out and so should friends do too. I always tell people, if you cannot communicate your feelings effectively, don't be my friend. I wouldn't want us to get really close, like best friends, and then, when there's an issue we should talk out and settle, you resort to ghosting as the only solution. It's better to avoid being my close friend in the first place.
I believe that friends should be able to express their feelings and resolve issues without spreading rumors about each other or even backbiting. Many of us know the pain of having a disagreement with a close friend and then hearing they have been talking behind our back instead of coming to us first. It hurts even more when they don’t discuss it with you directly.
Trust is yet another essential quality for forming close friendships. It forms the foundation of any strong relationship. Friends should be able to trust each other and have each other’s best interests at heart. This means being confident that your friend will keep your secrets and not speak bad of you behind your back and then having faith that your friend will not intentionally hurt you, even when rumors or negative comments arise, you can confidently stand up for your friend and say, "I know they wouldn’t do something like that," because your friend has never given you a reason to doubt them and you trust them
Moreover, If there’s a misunderstanding , friends should communicate openly to resolve it rather than jumping to conclusions or spreading gossip. Friends give each other the opportunity to explain and make amends if needed. I appreciate it when my friends keep matters that should be confidential, and I always try to do the same for them.
These are just a few things I look for in close friends. But it's not just about them, I also try to have these qualities and be a good friend myself. I believe in attracting good friends by being a good one too.
This blog post is a response to a prompt provided by the Leo team. For more prompts, check out their collection here
Credits Image from freepik