I have been wondering why some people choose to remain in toxic relationships until I had a practical experience with a friend recently, and obviously, she has tons of reasons why she kept managing the whole trauma she has been going through. Currently, her case is still ongoing and has been a whole lot of discoveries for me.
Personally, I will more importantly prioritize my self-esteem, my happiness, my health, and my life if I find myself in a toxic relationship either with friends, my partner, or even with my family members. This is because life has no spare, and one needs to be alive before fighting or hoping for anything. It's common for people to remain in toxic situations hoping for a change someday, which may not even happen. The reason could be because of the kind of love the victim may have for the opposing individual and could also be for other reasons like a friend I mentioned in the beginning of this post.
As for her, she feels that without her husband, she can't survive life because she literally depends on the man for every tiny one of her financial needs. You can imagine such a lifestyle? When I discovered that all wasn't well with her and her relationship and I got to know the details of the toxicity, I asked her to consider being alive first, but surprisingly, her response was, How can I start all over again with this thing called relationship?" Is it possible to get emotionally attached to someone else?. How about my only child? Is it not better that I stay and manage this man because of my child? Hmmm, when I thought I had heard it all, she went ahead to talk about what people will say hearing that she left her marriage and, most importantly, what the church will say. Like seriously, she also revealed that her mom said she shouldn't bring shame to their family by leaving the relationship but should find ways to please her husband and sort things out by herself.
Then I asked one simple question and discovered that the husband has done a lot to the parents of this lady, which made the parents keep calm over what the lady is going through. I really was speechless over the issue seeing the degree of selfishness from the family, but as a friend, I had to tell her the truth no matter her family's stance.
Toxicity in a relationship isn't something that should be managed. It has led a lot of people to their early graves and can affect one emotionally, making you almost miserable in life. It's difficult if the victim doesn't even recognize toxic behaviors and take action immediately or even get valued support from others.
As much as different people have different reasons for remaining in toxic situations, I think some things can be done to reduce the rate of such acts. One of those things is constantly educating people on how to discover toxic behaviors. In schools and in churches or mosques, this kind of seminar should be encouraged so people can be aware and do the needful before things escalate.
While most women manage toxic situations, it is because they are not financially capable of taking care of themselves, and so they remain with an abusive man, which may lead to an unpleasant ending. If financial independence is encouraged, at least a victim wouldn't stick with an individual traumatizing their life because of financial dependency.
Also, the need to surround oneself with a strong network of friends or family is another way to navigate through toxic situations. This is because I discovered that a lot of people die silently, harboring issues that needed to be exposed to people that can offer assistance and help get one out of toxic relationships. People might not always give you money but can support you emotionally or even with words of advice.
Finally, ensuring that our legal system is functional to protect victims who want to leave a toxic situation is also vital, and I will summarize by saying that no matter your reasons for staying in such a situation, always prioritize your mental health.
This is my response to the #hivelearners community contest on the topic titled, Even When Toxic.
Images were taken from canva