Hello everyone, how are you? This question made me think a thousand times about this question, about something that is difficult to know. Actually, I also feel like reopening a wound. Not a real wound. Right now, I have forgiven everyone. But when I think back to those days, and it feels like today, I want to thank myself, because I managed to get through those times.
What times? The next question you might ask. The times of losing my parents and also losing myself. That was the hardest time I ever experienced. For two years in a row, I had to lose people I loved. First, I had to separate from my boyfriend. Second, I had to lose my mother.
And at the beginning of this year, or at the end of last year, I lost myself. In the past, when my mother was still around, when I lost my identity, I always asked for prayers. At home there are several traditions at home. One of them is reading one of the 41 letters in the Qur'an and asking that all problems be resolved quickly. Only my mother does that.
When I started to lose and find it difficult to live my life, I usually asked my mother to recite the Koran for me, to send Yasin to myself. The Yasin letter was read 41 times so that my life could run safely, could run smoothly.
And in 2024, I felt that my life was too tired to survive and I felt like I wanted to collapse. I no longer had a mother to hold me. There was no one to send me the Yasin letter anymore. And it felt like I was standing alone in the midst of the hustle and bustle and the problems I faced. Until finally, I lost myself.
Long story short, there was one moment this year, I forgave everyone I lost. Forgave my parents, forgave the people who left my life. And in the end, maybe last month, I felt like I really loved myself again and was grateful for going through so much in the last three years.
The hardest year was 2024. It was really hard for me to live my life alone. No parents to support me. And it felt like I was given a lot of heavy burdens. Until finally at the end of the year I collapsed. I feel like if I look back on those times, today I can only thank myself.
Because I have gone through those hard times, and love myself again, and am ready to live life on my own feet. Not having parents doesn't mean I have to be useful. That was the turning point for me to think this year. This year I am ready again to achieve my dreams.
My name is Nurdiani Latifah. I live in Jakarta – Indonesia, and after 25 years I live in Bandung. I am a media staff at an NGO in Indonesia. I have worked in this institution for almost 2 years on issues of women and peace. I have been a journalist in Bandung for 3 years.
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