I was watching a movie last night when I stopped halfway because I wasn't enjoying it anymore. However, the first scene revealed a palace where the chiefs discussed the impending war in the village and explored potential solutions to halt it. The Iyalode, known as the mother of the town or queen of the women, as translated in English, suggested that all women should go into hiding while the men went to the war front. When asked by the king why so, she said, "Because women are fragile and shouldn't be seen fighting."
This is one general stereotype I was subjected to for a long time, even as a young child and as an adult. It is believed that women are naturally fragile and should be nurtured that way, while men are seen as the strong ones who are hunters, warriors, and protectors. They believe men should protect women from any danger because of their weakness. Also, when I need to lift a heavy bucket or anything that requires using my energy, they would want me to stay away from it with the assumption that they aren't meant for a lady like me. But I don't mind them, especially when I need to use my stubbornness to prove to them that I can do it.
This was a stereotype that was based on assumptions and not about abilities. This made me conclude that strength isn't the only thing needed in a war, but strategy, endurance, intelligence, etc.
Another stereotype I was subjected to was the narrative that boys don't cry. It took me years to finally take this belief out of my mind, and that it's okay for anyone to cry. Both genders have the right to release their emotions and cry. They don't have to box it all up in their mind because of the belief that when they are seen crying, it's a sign of weakness, and they aren't capable of confronting their struggles.
I once wrote in my post here how I explained that it's normal for boys to cry and not think crying is made for girls alone. They also need to release the burden from themselves. They are humans, too, who need a place to vent their emotions, cry out loud, and when they are done, shake themselves off and continue living.
Then we have the one where it is generally assumed that once you are a girl, you don't play rough or climb trees. I read a novel where the author narrated her story of how she was restrained from doing certain things when she was young. Things like climbing trees, riding on bicycles, playing rough, etc, because she's a girl.
I remembered how I would tame my sister, the last born, when she was very young, not to play wild or climb trees, especially when she saw our brother doing it. My sister was always seen around him and would do whatever she saw him doing. When our brother goes out to play with his friends, my sister is with him. That made her very strong, so she was always a fighter in the area 😃 She had this manly way of walking around with her shoulders held up high, and no one dared try rubbish with her.
I think this was what people see that made them come up with the stereotype that you don't play some kind of way that are only allowed for boys, and that has been that way except that things are changing now and no one is seen boxing around everyone taming them and limiting their abilities to explore what they could do. Though it's a good thing to make them understand the difference between being a boy and a girl but I wouldn't think trying to stop them or standing on the belief made through assumptions is the best way.
Lastly is the one that a woman must be submissive no matter what.
... and even if it costs a life? This was something I had heard a lot, even from my friends who would try to tell me that as a woman, I must fight for my home and my children. Why should I even be with a partner who would want to be raising his hands on me in the first place?
One of the reasons why domestic violence is rampant, thereby leading to the death of one partner in the marriage, is due to the question of what people will say. This has made many women live in silence for too long, even when they are being harassed and treated with cruelty by their husbands in the home, and would refuse to speak out. They have been made to believe that a woman should be stronger in protecting her home, no matter what, even when they are being beaten and used as punching bags by men who have turned into beasts.
This made women afraid to speak out for the fear that if anything goes wrong in the marriage, they will only blame them and not see fault in the men because they are always seen as the head of the house, and so, whatever they do is gone forever. This isn't supposed to be, but society has placed fear on many of them because of one irrelevant stereotype that has been made to be more important than the life of the woman who has fallen victim to domestic violence. Even if the woman chooses to keep submitting herself to the man, does he understand that, or does he want to be considerate to love her more and stop abusing her? It is well!
Image from Chatgpt
