My boss likes to use the phrase "Life is 2% what happens to you and 98% how you respond to it".
....and its true. Life is not about what happens to you as you have very little to no control on that. What you do have control of is how you respond to it and the decisions you make.
Just 20 minutes ago I found a new (to me) member on Hive @tatiana21 through a response to an Actifit post I made. As is my habit I always take a quick peek a peoples posts to get a feel for who they are. Reading one of her posts seems to fit this topic. Check the article here
In her blog she mentioned that she is Ukranian and obviously the War there has had a huge impact on her life. She has ZERO control over a war starting in her home country. One of her close family friends is missing and her friends are presuming dead. She also has ZERO control over what happens to those people around her. However, she has chosen to hold onto HOPE for her friend and find a little JOY in the little silly things that happen around her.
Good Decisions / No Regrets
Making good decisions is certainly a key factor in deciding long term outcomes. Consistently make good decisions and things tend to work out better. Repeatedly make bad decisions and things tend to go poorly. However, in order to make good long term decisions there are two things that are absolutely necessary.
You have to have an idea of where you want to go
You have to have a plan and mindset to make good decisions.
It may seem rather obvious but if you don't know what you want or where you want to go you won't end up getting there. For myself I always had a fairly clear plan of who I wanted to be and what I wanted in life. I wanted to be a good Christian, good Husband, good Father, and be Financially stable (because I didn't want to work too hard).
With those goals in mind it made decision making easier. If the decision didn't help me reach one of those goals then I was making the wrong decision.
How to approach a decision
Have you ever wondered whether you locked the front door? Turned off the oven? Turned off a light in the house? If you can't remember it is likely because you did the action without even thinking about it. You made the decision to do (or not) on auto-pilot. As there are so many things to do every day it can be impossible to think about every single decision you have to make.
For the minutia of life letting things run on autopilot isn't a bad thing. Allowing routine to take over for many of the mundane part of life isn't bad. I always have oatmeal for breakfast. I always stretch before walking the dog. I take the dog on the same walk every morning. A good routine of responsible actions can make life a whole lot easier.
However, there will be things which require more attention and a conscious decision. If I was to suggest an approach this is what it would be:
- Identify a decision to be made
- Decide urgency for the decision
- Decide options
- Research alternatives
- Weigh the different choice
- Identify other stakeholders and get advice
- Act on the best choice (which sometimes means doing nothing)
Sample Decision Making Runthrough
My son brought home a Christmas gift a few weeks ago. He got a wonderful new gadget called a "Metaverse 3 VR headunit". After putting on the headgear, playing Beat Saber, watching a movie, and experiencing a walk through downtown Tokyo while in my own living room I was hooked! I really wanted a VR unit!
But now its time for
Step ONE -- Identify a decision to be made
Really I had a decision to make. Am I going to buy a new VR unit?
I really really want one but is it a good idea?
Step TWO -- Decide the urgency of the decision
In this case it is not an urgent decision. Whether I make the purchase or not soon it will make no difference in my lifestyle. If the unit just happened to be on sale for Boxing week at 50% off then there may be more urgency to the decision but in this case not.
That's not always the case. Sometimes there are decisions that have to be made quickly! I remember vividly bumping into a beautiful woman on University campus 25 years ago. I saw her once for 10 seconds and never saw her again. I had a decision to try to strike up a conversation or not. Being a coward of course I didn't but I always wonder what would have happened if I did. I'll never know ... but it does go to show that some decisions have to be made very quickly.
but on to my VR decision
Step Three -- What are my options?
I could buy the Metaverse 3. I could buy nothing. I could buy a different VR unit but what other alternatives are there? Which leads to :
Step FOUR -- Research alternatives
In this case the Metaverse 2 and Metaverse pro are alternatives. Playstation VR is an alternative. Apple makes some excellent VR options. What do I do? I look at each one, their price, offerings, pro's, con's, and benefits. In that way I know what I'm actually looking into buying.
Side benefit: It takes time to research. I needed at least a week to look at all the options. In that week the initial "Wow" of VR had worn off and the true reality of what I was buying sunk in. After watching YouTube reviews, expert opinions, and thinking hard about the benefits I knew I was in a much better place to make a decision.
Step Five -- Weigh the different choices.
After doing the research some things got weeded out immediately. $4000 Apple units were just not going to happen. The Playstation VR unit which required having a Playstation console got weeded out. The units which required dedicated camera's and wired interfaces got weeded out. In the end if was down to the Metaverse 2 and 3. Was it worth paying twice as much for a newer unit? In the end I decided that YES the increased functionality would fit my life better and be worth the added expense.
But does it fit with my life goals?
Better Christian? No
Better Father? No
Better Husband? No
Better financial stability? No
As it doesn't further any of the things I want in life AND it costs $700 I know that it is absolutely a Want and not a Need. Now life without a "want" every now and then is boring and far from optimal. However, indulge in too many "wants" and financial ruin will ensue. In this case time for the next step:
Step Six -- Identify other stakeholders and get advice.
Now I can actually say that playing "beat saber" regularly would very much increase my desire to get physical exercise! Watching movies in VR would be nicer and use less electricity. However, I have a wife. If I buy the unit it is OUR money. If I am playing and watching alone then SHE gets excluded.
My wife is very much affected by this purchase decision. In that way its time to consult and get a second opinion. She didn't think it was a great decision. She reasoned that it was an impulse decision and an expensive one. Ignoring my wife's advice is a terrible idea and buying something she says is a bad idea will absolutely have repercussions. Remember Good Husband is on my priority list.
Time for Step Seven -- Act on the best choice.
In this case the best decision is to do nothing for now. I'll bring it up again in 4 months when my birthday is coming. I'll talk with my wife and get an opinion again. It is fun. It is good for my health. We do have enough money to purchase it. If I show persistence over months my wife may change her mind about it being a rash decision.
IF she buys it for me as a birthday gift then I have her permission. A decision that would be a BAD one now becomes a GOOD one later.
I guess there is another step in there.
Step Eight -- Re-evaluate over time.
Just because something is wrong now doesn't mean it will be wrong later. Looking at things over time isn't a bad thing. Perhaps something that was expensive got cheaper. Perhaps something that wasn't necessary now becomes more important later. Re-evaluating over time can help identify when saying "Yes" is more important than saying "No".
As a side note my grandmother used to have another step to add to the list.
Pray for wisdom when making decisions
She would tell me that I should pray about every decision. It is actually pretty good advice. If I want to be a good Christian I should ask my boss before making decisions.
My Grandmother also said that when praying I'd get one or three answers: Yes, No, or Wait. If I get a Yes--great. Go ahead. If I get a No--great. Don't do it. The hardest one is "Wait". I very much like things NOW but sometimes now isn't the right timing.
Just like with my Metaverse 3
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Sometimes my decisions work out well. Sometimes they don't. Sometimes life happens and makes things go poorly despite all my research and hard work trying to figure out what to do.
In one case I purchased a Condo Unit in Mandaluyong, Manila, Philippines. I did my research into the company, the location, the price, and everything I could think of. I decided to purchase the unit because it fit my long term goal to be near family (Good Husband, Financially Stable).
However, just a few years into making the payments the Asian economic crisis hit. Construction prices skykrocketed and the company that was building went bankrupt. To this day I can see the partially finished building that I was supposed to have a unit in. IF the building completed I would have a nice home in a great neighborhood. BUT I could not have predicted an Asian financial crisis.
Sure it proved to be a bad financial decision. However, it is not a decision I regret because I know that if I went back in time with the available information I would make the same decision all over again. Sure I wish it was different but then again I have NO REGRETS because I did the best I could with what I had. How can I regret doing my best?
Thanks for reading.
As always I love getting replies.