Ever feel helpless?
Ever feel despair?
(An AI image created by Dall-E)
If you are like most people those are things that everyone has experienced at some time or another and I'm no exception.
When I was younger I often thought things were so bad in many situations.
When I was a child I felt helpless to go against the wishes of my parents.
When I was in high school I felt the hopelessness of not being accepted into the "in" crowd or having the most interesting friends.
At University I felt the despair associated with not having the money for tuition and knowing that without an education my future was bleak.
A few years later I knew the heartbreak of being rejected by a girlfriend
I thought I knew a thing or two about hopelessness, helplessness and despair
I was wrong
Mostly life is full of annoyances
There are so many times in life when people feel helpless. Just recently when I was trying to get a warranty repair for a defective item. Or a couple years ago when I'm stuck in a Filipino hotel room waiting for a flight out that's been delayed due to a typhoon. No bus due to weather. No ETA because of weather and damage to the airport. Visa coming close to expiring which will make me an illegal alien in the country.
Sometimes it was the despair of not being able to find a job. When I was younger I tried and failed for months finding a job after high school. No money to spend, no work to do, little hope of employment because of lack of skills.
No money = No Girlfriend = No fun = No hope
At one point after University I had my degree but not my license to practice. A job coming in just a month... but no place to stay as my parents lost their home. I'm asking friends for a couch to sleep on and food to eat until I can get to my upcoming job.
Then when I get to the job and I'm excited to start. I'm in a new town with no friends, little money, and the key to the apartment my boss says I'm to live in ... is already occupied! I start work the next day and I have no place to sleep. What do I do? Luckily a co-worker opens their doors and gives me a place to sleep.
What causes the worst kind of pain...
(Image source: AI generated by Dall-E)
True helplessness and hurt comes from watching your children in trouble and being helpless to do anything.
I have two teenage boys. I love them more than anything and they are both strongwilled and stubborn.
Being so stubborn they are both on the path to becoming strong, independant young men. However, being so strong willed means they have often gotten themselves in trouble and fought against my wife and I as parents.
I've watched my younger son storm out of the house threatening to never come back. Of course without a licence he couldn't drive away but that didn't keep him from walking as far from home as he could at 2am in the morning. He was strong and I couldn't force him to come back. Even if I called the police to force him to come home I can't watch him all day every day to make sure he doesn't leave again. So, I just followed him knowing that wherever he went I would go making sure he knew I would do my best to be there for him. And after 2 hours of walking he decided to come home.
I've watched me older son go through the heartbreak of losing his girlfriend of over 2 years decide their relationship was over. I saw the hurt in his eyes as he cried. I heart the despair in his voice as he was dealing with the pain and loss.
and there was absolutely nothing I could do to help. As a parent that is truly gut wrenching.
But the absolute worst
Is when I got a message on my phone saying that my son had been in a motorcycle accident. Shortly after the message I hear the sirens of ambulances going to the place where the app said he had crashed. I rushed there as quickly as I could only to see the police and ambulance there. I see my son's broken bike and know my son is in the ambulance. The police tell me that my son is in the ambulance and on his way to the hospital.
But the hospital is closed to visitors. There was a multi vehicle car accident and the hospital was closed to visitors. Only staff and the injured were allowed in.
My son is injured.
.... I don't know how badly.
.... I can't be with him.
.... I can't help him.
.... I can't protect him.
.... I can't even say how much I love him.
Perhaps you are different. However for myself I can endure any hardship or loss for myself and that is just how life goes. When it is my family and especially my children that is so much harder to endure.
I can think of no feeling of helpless or despair more than that of knowing your child is sick, hurt or hungry and not being able to help.
The rest of the story
I'm happy to report that my son recovered from his injuries. He almost lost a finger. He had scrapes and bruises over a lot of his body. He was off work for 3 months while he healed which was a serious financial setback. His finger is still healing after 7 months but he is expected to be better in a year or so.
I hope that I never have to go through that type of pain again! Honestly though I probably will at sometime. Life just happens and people get sick and hurt. I'm certain it will be just as awful next time and I'm certain I will make it though.
As a Chrisitian I have a source of hope. Prayer. Yes I'm certain that atheistics and agnostics will say its just useless nonsense. Religion--the opiate of the masses.
However, as I go through life I find that there are so many things in this world I have absolutely no control over. Helplessness and despair can be overwhelming when looking at the problems and troubles of life. However, having a solid foundation of faith keeps me grounded and gives me hope through all things. Prayer gives me a link to a source of hope that keeps me going through the worst of times.
So, for me I look at it this way: The atheist is either right or wrong. There either is a God or not. IF I'm right and their is a God then my prayers and belief are rightly placed and I'm in good standing. IF I'm wrong and their is NO God (or I'm believing in the wrong one) ..well.. that sucks that I was horribly mistaken. However, my belief still gave me strength in a difficult time.
I hope you enjoyed the read
and thanks for taking the time to get to the end.
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....I always like comments :)