If you think I can give a full synopsis on marital breakdown in a Hive post...well, that's not going to happen. Books can (and have) been written on the topic and probably have only scratched the surface.
However, my son has been talking to me about going to University and one of his questions has been "What is the hardest part about University". He is worried about the coursework being too hard. He is worried about there being too much to memorize. He is worried about making friends and of course the financial aspect of higher education. He also wants to continue to Med School which means he will need exceptional grades in all of his classes.
The worst parts of University are none of those things and the worst part of University is also a major reason for divorce! Or maybe I'm delusional read on and you can decide. 😁
What is the BEST and WORST part of University?
If you asked a bunch of University students what the best and worst part you would likely get a wide variety of answers. I'll give you the two that I told my son and judge for yourself.
First: Public speaking/Oral presentation
Who likes going up in front of a large crowd of people and presenting a topic? Teenagers and Young Adults tend to be self conscious and having to actually present in front of large crowds? Ugh. However, there are many times in life when public speaking is important. It is absolutely essential for many types of jobs. Even if it isn't essential for your job there will be times when it just can't be avoided (Weddings come to mind).
Second: Group Projects!
Image Source: ChatGPT
Is there anything worse than group projects? If you are trying to get perfect grades and you are working hard to get them that is one thing. However, if you are assigned to a group and have to work together with others who may not be as dedicated or talented? Others who have different ideas on how to get the work done. Others who have commitments in their lives and limited time. Others with different viewpoint on what makes a good project. Others who may be lazy and not even contribute?
I will say that group projects are the worst! They are typically large assignments worth a large portion of a grade and as its a group effort its exceedingly difficult to carry on your own. If someone is trying to get perfect grades dealing with a group dynamic is awful.
I will say that group projects are also the best! No one person is great at everything. Identifying individual strengths and weaknesses and working together to exploit everyone's unique talent is the beginning of a great project. Also "many hands make light work". In this way if everyone pulls their weight a huge project can be completed in a fraction of the time than if one person tries to do everything. If you can be part of a well functioning group the end result is usually awesome!
In life teamwork and "group projects" are absolutely critical. Virtually every job you will find means having co-workers. Getting along with those co-workers to get the job done is vital in the workplace. Having a group with diverse skills and talents means a more vibrant final product...but only if everyone gets a chance to shine, and everyone does their fair share of the work!
More than just at work or in society...teamwork is absolutely vital in a marriage!
No Teamwork = No Marriage
Which brings me to the point of a major reason for divorce. Lack of teamwork. Just as group projects can be great if everyone is working together and awful if they are not, marriages are the same. In a marriage where each spouse does their part and relies on the other acknowledging the strengths and weaknesses of their spouse there is usually more contentment than when there is not. In addition two people together can live on a smaller budget and accomplish more than two people apart...if they are "on the same page" about expenses, budgeting, and getting work done.
What happens when they aren't on the same page? What happens if they don't share the work? What happens if they don't learn and value each persons unique talents? That's where things get very ugly. If one person does everything and the other is just "along for the ride"...grounds for divorce. What if one person spends wisely and the other spends everything the first person saved...grounds for divorce. What if there is a serious disagreement about something in life? How many kids? Living situation of parents? Where to live? Who works and who takes care of the home? If there is no consensus on the end goal and how to get there then things break down.
Absolutely an oversimplification to be certain. However, marriage is just a "group project" starting with two people and possibly adding more "junior members (aka children)" over time. The group projects which are either awesome or awful in University just a small glimpse of the self inflicted "group project" of marriage.
As a small aside: Remember "Public speaking"? Hated by many because it brings them out of their comfort zone? The marriage equivalent is "doing something your spouse likes". My wife has dragged to many events that I just wish I wasn't there...far out of my comfort zone. I'm sure I've done that to her too. Won't lead to divorce but can certainly cause friction 😐
My personal experience with Group Projects
As for myself I hated group projects. I always seemed to get stuck with people who just didn't get their jobs done. That meant I had to do double or triple duty to make sure the project was satisfactorily completed. If I was in a group project in University I did my best.
After University? Volunteering at the church was indeed a group project to make things work well. Helping out in the nursery or with young childen as something my wife signed us up for. I hated it as much as public speaking but it was important to both the church and my wife so I did my best to pull my weight.
At work? The Pharmacy crew is very much a team effort to make sure things get done efficiently and correctly with every patient being served to the best of our ability. I've worked with managers and fellow staff that just didn't pull their weight. It was so incredibly annoying that I made sure that I always do my part to help out the team.
In marriage? I've been married a long time and I carry the badge as a long term husband with a sense of pride. It didn't come by being complacent at home and now pulling my weight. Sure I'd rather be binge watching TV at home many days but there are things to do to keep the household running. Sure I could get my wife to do the jobs I don't want to...but we are a team and teamwork is huge for me.
In general I HATE not pulling my weight or being accused of being lazy on any project I'm part of. But....
Sometimes things just happen
Even in the HIVE community people need to pull their weight for things to get done. Even in the Splinterlands (Hive) game people need to pull their weight in a guild for it to work well.
Back at the peak of HIVE/Splinterlands I saw the money that was being wasted in the Guild's in order to upgrade and develop things. I hated to see the waste and decided to start a guild of my own where it would operate differently and a team could work together to build things in a financially prudent manner.
Enter "The Merchants Guild". I still think it was a great idea but it started only a few weeks before the crypto crash. After the crypto crash came it got very hard to be motivated about playing Splinterlands. The financial model I came up with shattered. Interest in the game cratered. It just seemed like so much work for no benefit. As such I abandoned my work on the Merchants Guild. There was a core group of people who hung around for a while and I stayed on for them but eventually it just turned into a failed group project. I do regret that I couldn't stick around and turn things around but the game changed, the financial rewards changed and it was no longer viable.
It still makes me sad when I see the Merchants Guild gathering dust in Splinterlands. One of the many failed attempts at guilds in the game. Life kept me from giving it 100%. Crypto cash kept me from having a financial desire to give it 100%. Game changes made my vision for the guild unfeasible. So, now it sits unused and unloved. Very depressing and a sign that sometimes even with the best intentions a person can't give 100% to a project.
Currently I'm working on the #earnspendgive community and it also requires a fair amount of time and capital to keep it going. I do hope that I can give it 100% of the attention that it deserves...although life does have a habit of getting in the way. However, just like the Merchants Guild it is build around certain things continuing on Hive. It requires HBD to pay good interest. It requires HP to be paid for posts and delegated HP to pay out returns. Of course it also requires dedicated members. I can control what I do but now what others do...I hope that community doesn't end up like the Merchants Guild..but only time will tell 😃
Thanks for reading
....and always I love getting comments.